My Daily Balancing Act

Because I'm waiting for squash to cook

2012-01-31T16:13:00.001-08:00

I thought I would share a bit. Lets talk about my new car, that's right... I got a new car in September. I know i know.. seems a bit late to be sharing, BUT things got a bit crazy for me during the holidays remember.. surprise birthday parties, broken femur bones, kidney stones.. you know.. lil stuff.

Tyler and I went with my mom to car shop as moral support. We looked at Mini coopers first and EH, although I LOVED them before.. I just liked them okay once we looked at them, drove one and learned a bit more. Don't get me wrong mini owners.. it's a BEAUTIFUL car but, it was a bit pricey and more than I was will to take on. THEN we went o Fiat.. and OH MY! I fell in LOVE. while my mom was test driving it Tyler and I were sitting in the back seat and I looked at him, and mouthed "I want one"

After a long and boring story of Tyler test driving one, making a comment about me needing to work more if I wanted one (yea right) we went to lunch, had a chat and decided that if they could get the payment where we wanted with our trade in we would do it. Clearly it worked out... I LOOOOOOVE my car. Every time I see it I smile, it's fun to drive, it gets GREAT MPG, it's super cute, people love it.. they smile, wave, give me thumbs up as I drive by. People ask us about it all the time. The interior is great, two toned black and red, the dash is white, So SO cute. I've never had a BRAND NEW car before, so it's a first. The standard model comes with quite a bit of features, my favorite is the hands free blue tooth connection. I think the only thing I would say negative about it, is it can seem to be a bit loud.. loud enough where I think... should it sound like that. But with that being said, I'm a FREAK when it comes to cars and constantly thinking something is wrong with mine. If I smell something funky.. it MUST be my car catching on fire, if i HEAR something it MUST be something getting ready to fall off of my car. So perhaps that's an unfair judgment.

If your in the market for a new gas efficient car.. take a look at Fiat. It's small.. so if you have more than 4 in your family.. it won't work. But if not.... be like us... we call this our "European family car"

Troll 1

2012-01-29T21:16:00.000-08:00

We celebrated Tyler's birthday this weekend with our friends the Alika's. Ty wanted to go to the Red Rooster and keep it small. So that's exactly what we did, we went and had a hamburger some drinks, then headed home for some Payday Cake and more drinks. But what made this outing even more fun is the Christmas Troll (remember Tyler got the coveted family troll this year) and we have decided to take the troll with us places.. take his picture at the different locations and with people we meet, and when we pass him on next year we'll pass on his scrapbook of the adventures he's had. Here's some pictures from our night.

The Red Rooster

Rachel and I
Here we are with the troll. I look like an ass, but it's ok

Rooster burgers WHAT!!!!
Our lil Group

Payday Cake

2012-01-29T20:26:00.000-08:00

Tyler found a recipe for a payday cake months ago and said to me "I want that for my birthday" So I did a goodle search and found the recipe here. I thought I would give it a go, even tho I'm a terrible cook/baker.. even WITH a recipe. Here's my thoughts.

1.The recipe is REALLY confusing.. it wasn't clear, so I'll outline it a little more clearly for you, just so your not like me.. scratching your head hoping your doing it right.

2.It's REALLY fatty... i mean 749 calories for a slice kind of fatty.. but the recipe yields 12 servings and honestly 1/12th of this cake is way to much, it's far to sweet for that big of a slice. I ended up cutting it into tiny little squares that you could serve with a toothpick and eat it as "finger" dessert. I think I may see if there is anyway I could also make it healthier and even more diabetic friendly. Because as it stands.. Presley will NEVER be trying this

3. The recipe calls for OLEO.. and JUST in case you have no idea what this is.. let me save you the embarrassment of walking up and down the baking isle looking for "oleo" and asking a grocery store employee what it is (at least she didn't know either) It's Margarine.. why it doesn't just say margarine.. is beyond me.

Here's a look at the ingredients you need.

First off you add the egg, cake mix and some of the margarine in a bowl to mix it, and then you bake it. The recipe didn't make it clear that you do not need to follow the instructions on the back of the box. I kind of guessed because it DIDN'T say "follow baking instruction on box" that you didn't need to.. but let me be clear.. you DO NOT! Simply do exactly as the recipe says, only the cake mix, egg and margarine. that's it. It won't spread easily because of the consistency, i used my hand and fist to spread it around, but I'm sure there is an easier way for people who are more bake savy. Once it's done baking, put 3 cups of mini marshmallows on top while you prep the next step

Put the PB chips, margarine, vanilla and corn syrup in a saucepan and stir constantly till melted

See... like this

Then you spread it over the marshmallow layer
the last step I would change as well. The recipe calls for 2 cups of rice crispy treats next, then 2 cups of peanuts on top of that. There are two problems with this
1.the peanuts fall off the top
2. there are two many rice crispy treats, makes it to crunchy
So with that being said, here's what I would do next time.. I would use one cup of cereal, and keep the 2 cups of peanuts.. i mean it IS a payday cake. BUT I would mix them together and sprinkle them at the same time instead of layering them separate.

There you go folks... now go make that fatty cake for your next pot luck and watch peoples heads turn why they ask you for the recipe.

2012-01-27T16:13:00.000-08:00

My New FAVORITE website... Pintrest.

My girlfriend Kim introduced me to it earlier this week, and I have been addicted. I can spend hours browsing threw the pages and pages of great ideas. (I know it's not really pages.. but that sounds good) I want to figure out how to pin things on my own so I can start a pin.. Since i still no longer have a Facebook (GO ME!) i needed something to fill my time when I didn't want to do things I should be doing, and Pintrest is it for me!

The Latest Haps..

2011-12-22T10:03:00.000-08:00

Monday the 19th was Cast changing day, I was really excited that it was happening for her, but really sad that I couldn't go with her. My husband had to take her because I had a client later that afternoon and Presley had a girl scout field trip, and with her latest diabetes drama there was NO way she was going unaccompanied. I told Ty to tell me EVERYTHING the DR said, i didn't want to get "it's fine" because we all know men don't go into detail like us women do. AND they don't ask as many questions. They are simple creatures. I still got the "it looks fine" answer... grrr, I knew it.

Finally!! The 20th was my mom's big 60th birthday! My sister and I had been planning a surprise birthday party for her since probably October. Then November and December came crashing down on us. On Saturday while in the hospital with Presley I looked at my sister and laughed. Mom of course is going crazy with stress over the kids and their current ailments, but she has NO IDEA, what kind of stress we or I am going threw with the children and all their ailments PLUS planing this damn party. I've decied I will NEVER throw another Surprise party EVER again. It's so stressful and difficult. My mom is always at my house, so getting quotes for food, or RSVP's wasn't easy. But the day of the party had finally come and.... WELL, that was a whole new ball game. I said to her the night before "whats your plans for tomorrow?" she says "oh I dunno, I think i'll come to your house in the morning..." uuuummm NO. Then something Tyler said to me came to my mind "it's easier to make YOURSELF unavailable, than to make her busy" So i told her we were going to my in laws for the day so the girls could see their Christmas decorations, and Grace could show them her new cast. I KNEW this would irritate her to the core, but it had to be done. So now that she wasn't going to stopping by for any reason, we started setting up. My Aunt and Grandma took her wine tasting out of town which helped till about 4:30 when she called me saying they were leaving Temecula and was I home yet... (umm YEA, but she can't know that) People would start arriving around 5:30 and I didn't want her at my house till 6. Lets just say it turned into a stressful situation when my mom thought my Aunt and Uncle would be coming to my house with nobody home. So mom calls my sister (the co-conspirator ) and tells her to be waiting on the driveway with some wine so they can get to my house and let everybody in because I "wasn't home yet." Natalie call's me in a panic

"what do I do"

Me "I don't care... she CAN'T COME HERE"

Natalie "I know.. but what do I say"

Me " I don't care, figure it out"

So Natalie thinks of something quick that wouldn't be to far fetched for her and calls mom back "I have a stomach ache, and i'm in the bathroom, i can't meet you on the driveway" mom says "fine i'll wait in the driveway.. just hurry" Natalie "it's not that kind of tummy ache, it's going to be a while, you should come in" mom is so pissed that in her mind her sister and brother will be showing up to an empty house because her asshole daughter went to see her inlaws on HER BIRTHDAY! Oh the drama! my sister held her off as long as she could, washing her face while in the bathroom so she had to re-do her make up. Mom stood in the doorway the entire time watching her with daggers in her eyes waiting for her to be done putting on her face. Natalie says "your making my stomach hurt watching me" HA! Natalie texted me at 5:45 "I can't keep her away any longer... we're on our way" Shit! it's too soon, BUT it's going to have to do.

SURPRISE MAMA!!!

The Buffet table

Outside patio, the records were MY idea, Tyler thought it was a TERRIBLE Idea, then as we hung them, he realized how very right I was. It added something special to the 60's theme party. BRAVO ME!

Two of the Hostesses with the Most-est!

Mom and Grandma

One of my besties Jen, she helped me SO much with decorating for the party, I fear I would have been VERY behind without her help

The Cake...

Poor Grace in her big ass wheel chair

Larry, Stacy, Dave, Mathew and Marrissa, that's a whole lot of Fennell's!

Jen and my mama.... Jen wants to adopt her as her own.... I think my mom would be cool with that

bahahahaha, I had a lot of fun once the crowed left and it was just my favorite people were left.

Seesters!

The LADIES!!

Tyler and mama.

Two days after my mom's birthday on the 22nd Grace started complaining of really bad back pain and stomach pain, it sound all to familiar like the week prior. After thinking it over I decided to just take her to the hospital, so my 3rd trip in a week. Needless to say I wasn't thrilled. After a Ct scan it was discovered that my poor girl had kidney stones. A rare thing for kids. Well, of course it is, but she's MY kid, and for some reason, my kids seem to be the exception to a lot of rules. The DR said she had "several" in her kidney's and one stuck in her ureter. My poor girl had no other choice but to pee it out. So with the help of codeine and anti nausea medicine we waited it out. While in the ER I asked the Urologist "what about the ones in her kidney" he says to me "we don't worry about those, more than likely they will break down and dissolve " Me "really....? more than likely, like the one stuck in her ureter?" he didn't say anything, CLEARLY he doesn't know me... but their "MORE than likely" is MY likely.

Christmas was quiet around here, and trust me, with the few week's we had, quiet was WELCOMED.

Grace got her GIANT Panda from Santa

It was the year of the animal hats

This year Tyler got the coveted Family Troll. The troll is a on going family tradition, where each year one person receives "the troll" I smiled SO big when I saw that my honey was given the family gem. Not ONLY have I NEVER received the troll, but he got it from my Grandma! Such an honor.. haha!

I KNEW she liked him!

I love Susie! We have fun together!

After everybody left, Natalie stuck around to do a lil more drinking.. I don't think she did TOO much more before she sat down and was down for the count.. 1....2...aaaand passed out!

we have fun with her when she passes out, unfortunately her cell was in her back pocket so there was no posting pictures of her on her Facebook

The day after Christmas we took the kids to the zoo, Grace had been SO depressed that we thought maybe it would bring her some joy... as you can see from her face, it back fired.

On Tuesday we had plans to take my Uncle, Susie and my Grandma to the SHOUT HOUSE.. it IS the most fun a person can have... such a blast! My day unfortunately started off not looking so good when Grace started puking and complaining of back pain again. I had to make a trip to San Diego to the Urologist to make sure things were okay. It was THE BIGGEST waist of my time and money.... more on this in a post venting about the medical profession. But the day ended as I had hoped, at the shout house with family.

When it rains it POURS!

2011-12-17T12:08:00.001-08:00

You know the saying.. When it rains it pours.. in my life this couldn't be truer. I'll tell you, the end of this year has ended up being pretty crappy. Grace brakes her leg, which EW, we could have SO stopped there. Then this week Grace AND Presley got the flu. I had two barfing kids, on Wed night. One kid in a full body cast which makes throwing up just a TAD more difficult, and the other kid with diabetes which makes EVERYTHING more difficult. We ended up in the ER on Wed night at about 8:30 and didn't leave till around 1. It was an interesting ER visit. I NORMALLY drive down to San Diego to children's hospital. But, thought I would try Palomar Hospital in Escondido.. it's closer and it's NOT TriCity.. which is like the worst hospital in North County. We get there and we wait WAY to long. I"ll tell you what, there aren't a lot of perks to having a diabetic kid, but ONE perk is being able to get into the ER right away. Once they hear "6 year old diabetic, vomiting, high BG and ketons.." BAM! we're in. Noooot the case in Escondido. However, Escondido offered more entertainment. Children's hospital is just that.. for children, so you don't get your occasional insane person rambling down the hallway yelling, refusing to go to their room, demanding to talk tot he CHIEF of police. Or the sad older women who is talking crazy because she's confused. It's sad I know to giggle at an ol gal who it talking nonsense. But it was funny. I did feel terrible for her, I thought how sad to end up in a hospital at 91 alone. I looked at my mom and promised that she will NEVER be that old lady, I'll never leave her alone any where.

Once our ER visit was done, I came home and slept in the girls room so I could hear them if they needed me. My poor grace threw up three times that night. Presley, i'm sure because of the extra boost she got in the ER that morning was feeling pretty good when she woke up. Finally both kids were done puking, THEN my dog starts to barf. I can tell there's something up with him, he kept stretching, and threw up everything he tried to eat. GREAT... he's clearly got a blockage! I tried some home remedies.... i gave him a shot of Olive Oil.. it's what I had and it seemed to have worked, after he ate some rice I made him he barfed again but this time with a little tampon friend. Niiiiice.... dog's are SO nasty! But he seems to be on the mend and i'm really thankful for that.

Tyler and I had a date night last night with our good friends Alika and Rachel. I do enjoy their company. They are good people. It was SO nice getting away from everything right now. We ordered in Sushi and sat around eating and drinking at their house till about 11. We got home, relived my sister from sitting and went to bed.

Then this AM at 5 I wake up to Presley full on hurling ALL OVER our bed. I was So confused.. Tyler was watching her like a deer caught i headlights, and I sat up looked around and said "whats going on?!?" that seemed to have snapped Tyler out of it he says "we should probably check her BG.. she said she was thirsty, I gave her water then this...." So we clean off her hands and I check her BG and sure as shit 461... poor baby. We give her 3 units insulin, put her in the shower, change the sheets, change her pump site all before 5:30 this AM.. YAWN! we've been battling Ketons all day. I've been filling her full of fluids and injecting her hourly with insulin.

I so love this time of year but MAN am I looking forward to the New Year... what a year this ENDED up being. Tyler Said Wed "man.. I can't believe we almost made it a whole year without an ER visit.. and here we are.. racking it up at the end of the year" Sucks.

Toy Review...

2011-12-13T17:00:00.000-08:00

Presley just received a Fijit Friend from her Grandpa's and I give it one and half thumbs up. Willa her new BFF is SO cute. She giggles, kisses, talks and dances. She'll make her own music or dance to your music. She'll listen for the beat and actually dance's along with it. It is REALLY, REALLY cute. She tells jokes and makes small conversation.I will say I cold see it loosing SOME of the excitement pretty quickly. Her commands don't change, she is pretty repetitive, and although it is pretty awesome that she can communicate with the kid, there is a very specific verbiage that needs to be followed to carry on conversation. Maybe as she interacts with her more, she'll do different things, and learn MORE.... I'm not sure. But I don think it's a cute toy. I wouldn't get it for real young kids, especially if they have difficulty with speech. It would be pretty frustrating I think if your child didn't speak clearly and their new BFF didn't understand them.

I want it all..

2011-12-13T16:29:00.000-08:00

I LOVE searching the web, surfing in and out of different great stores. One of my favorite online stores is ShopPlasticland.com it is a GREAT place for unique gifts. It's hard when people ask "what do you want?" I don't really NEED anything so I always say "eh.. I dunno" UNTIL I go to an online store like this.. I want this kind of stuff. Only problem... it's a BIT pricey. Plus you have to pay for shipping. But this store has such great stuff that it makes me wish I had more money. Perhaps instead of wishing for MORE money, I should better spend it. Perhaps THEN I could afford to buy one thing a month from this totally rad store. OH my friend has bought SEVERAL things from her and every package shows up with a cute finger monster.. and interestingly enough... they started in San Diego.. my backyard.. DAMN!

I need more cute graphic Tee's I hate wearing a plain Tshirt. in fact I wont, but sometimes nothing sounds better than slipping on my chucks, throwing my hair in a scarf and putting on a cute Graphic Tee for a nice casual day. Only negative... i don't have any cute Graphic Tee's. I SO LOVE THESE! and at only 5.00.. what a deal, i just can't bring myself to buy them for 5 and pay the 8 in shipping =)

I LOVE purses and shoes, i use to have a real retro 50's black patten leather snap purse, i used it till it wore out and was unifiable.. a sad sad day for me

LOVE these shoes. I have a shoe fetish, but honestly.... don't most girls? If money wasn't an object.. the shoes I would own ooohhh they would be FABULOUS... I can see them all now.

I would consider selling one of my kids for these shoes. i LOVE red shoes... love love LOVE them. These hot little numbers are on sale now... for a whopping 95.00!!

Another ADORABLE graphic T.. love it!

So, it's not a Graphic T.. but what a sexy go with everything black shirt. I love sexy clothes that take little to no effort. no planing, just slip it on, throw on some accessories, and feel great! I think this shirt would do that for me

Purses... i love purses... and I love day of the dead skulls... which means this bag has just about everything going for it.

See, i don't need fancy clothes, or expensive shoes, I'm happy with a cute owl egg timer. I love bright colors, i love things being mis matchy and I think this little owl would my kitchen look even cutter than it does now.

MeOw.. this is a sexy purse. LOVE the sparkle.

The point is... SHOPlasticland.com. you wont regret it, I think they have SOMETHING for just about everybody, and HEY... if you can't find something for somebody there this Christmas, i 'm SURE you could find something for yourself.

Sexiest Women of ALL TIMES...

2011-12-09T18:18:00.000-08:00

I just read on Yahoo News that Jennifer Anistion was named the HOTTEST WOMEN of all times... she beat Marilyn Monroe.. ranked number 3. I find it a bit surprising. I guess it was a poll of men who voted. I would have voted Marilyn over Jen, I love that classic sexy Hollywood glam look

If you want to see the rest of the list... click HERE

The latest haps

2011-12-09T15:43:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from the Khoranoff's!!!

This is our Christmas card this year, and i LOVE IT! The beautiful pink foot is Grace of course and the very talented portraits were done my muah! Presley says to me "my hair loots stupid" it's a toe kid.. move on.

We went to see Santa recently. Grace got real sad when she thought she couldn't see him this year. Her dad and I of course couldn't let that happen, so we loaded up the truck with her and her wheelchair and started our family fun outing to the mall. We went early to avoid crowds, and a long line. When we got there, there were only 4 people in line. But once the employee saw Grace they said to us and the folks in front of us "we never let a child with a disability wait.." so we got to cut the line... HOT DAMN! we COULD have gone during rush hour.. but it was the smoothest, easiest.. MOST relaxing Santa experience EVER! in and out in 10 min! BOO-YA!
After Santa we went to get our tree at the home depot my sister works at. She's the sign maker there and she made a reindeer cutout for people to stick their faces in for pictures. These pictures of the girls CRACK me up because of Grace and the wheel chair.

Poor kid.. this is a RIOT!

That's right..DEACTIVATED. GOOOOD BYE Facebook. I know I mentioned before that I deleted my Facebook (kind of) I still had it for farmville. BUT NOW... zip, Nada, zilch, zero.. i have NO Facebook page at all. It was kind of a big deal, I do feel a bit out of touch without Facebook. BUT honestly that's one of the reasons I got ride of it. I think something that is suppose to bring people together, actually makes people more disconnected. Why talk or reach out to one another if you can sit behind your computer and read whats going on with others. If somebody wants to know whats going on with me... they can pick up the phone..(or read my blog.. hahaha) I also gave it the boot because of the amount of time I spent on it farming. It was a bit of a problem if you asked my husband. It actually got a bit over whelming, so many quests, i couldn't keep up....which made me anxious.. imagine.. feeling anxious over fake crops, silly. I also moved from Facebook because I got agitated at seeing a certain persons face HA! An old friend who was still a friend of a friend. Every time I saw her it brought up bad feelings, and between being anxious and having bad feelings... Facebook hardly seemed worth it.

December 1st was my sisters birthday, she turned the BIG 32.... haha, that's her pumpkin pie and fancy candle. I'm lame when it comes to birthday candles i NEVER have them. So that's an emergency candle that was on top of my refrigerator.

Happy Birthday sister!

The weekend before Presley's birthday we went up to my Aunt's house for some Family visiting. Presley wanted to go swimming and spend the night with her Aunt Diane for her birthday weekend. She was able to swim with her cousin Liam who she just adores, we had dinner, ice cream cake, and did a little gift opening. A good time was had by all.

They love each other

Grace wanted to sing and watch her sister blow out her birthday candles

Presley was SO excited to get a baby "Tiger" my grandma bought her a GIANT pillow pet last year for her birthday. It was a giant Lion that Presley named Tiger. So this year I found a baby tiger at TJMax, and boy oh boy.. did GG give the gift of the night!!

Dennis makes a good transporter for Grace. he's big and strong

On Presley's actual Birthday December 5th we had a few close family and friends over for sushi night! It was probably one of my FAVORITE birthday ever. Everybody there means so much to me, they love my family and have been there for us threw this whole broken leg ordeal. It was good food, and GREAT company. Presley felt special with all her little friends (and big friends) to help us celebrate. With Grace having a broken leg, a lot of the attention has shifted, and Ms.P who is so use to being the center of attention has had to eat a BIG piece of humble pie and live a few weeks in her sisters shoes. Feeling second in line when it comes to "attention" I've decided tho, threw this ordeal, you could shower a child with attention and they will always say they don't get enough IF you ask them while you shower their sibling with attention.

I made cake balls, which are like little balls of diabetic torture, doughnut holes would have been 1,000 times better. Can YOU believe ONE little cake ball has 16 carbs? THAT'S RIGHT 16!!!!

Decorating the Christmas tree with a broken leg isn't very fun. She almost started to cry when we told her she wouldn't be doing it this year, she would just be watching. She dug her face into her blankie, and started to tear up. It broke our hearts, but I think it broke her dad's a little bit more because he offered to hold her while she hung up her ornaments. It was A LOT more work. That kid plus the cast gets HEAVY!

It was also her turn to put the start on top.... Greeeeaaaaat!

Presley was having fun, till she dropped her 1,000 ornament and broke one. We kind of gave her a hard time wondering how one person could be so clumsy. it hurt her feelings and she started to cry so we had to say sorry, and wipe her tears before she would put a smile on again. She wouldn't hang ANY that were breakable or MAYBE COULD BE breakable.

I'm Weak

2011-12-02T11:22:00.000-08:00

Who would have thought that having a kid in a full body cast (pretty much) would take up so much time. I'm telling you all, this will try my patients to the very fiber of my being. Not only is there never ANY alone time, or quiet, she's always needing something, wanting something, or dropping something. As soon as I sit down to do something I WANT, it's "mommy.. i dropped my pencil, mommy.. i have to go pee" We've had some interesting hurdles to over come. The most painful would be a case of diarrhea. I'll tell you, as a parent you must love your child to do some of the gross stuff we do for our kids, and as awful as it is for me I KNOW it must honestly be 100 times more awful for her. She's such a smart, independent little girl, that needing help to do EVERYTHING must be extremely difficult. Really, can you imagine having an upset stomach and not being able to take your self to the bathroom? or wipe your own butt? Terrible.

We've also been having a tough time with Presley and her BG, because lets not forget, diabetes doesn't take a brake. It's always there and always looming over my head. We've had probably about 5 days of TERRIBLE numbers, like 200,300, 400 kind of bad numbers. Sometimes I can't win for not with stupid diabetes. I had to contact her DR for advice. Super mom was out of ideas or explanations for the high numbers, I needed an EXPERTS advice. We did a Basel challenge that of COURSE went BEAUTIFULLY her numbers were excellent. So besides me being tired, it didn't help me a whole lot, or explain why she was running high several nights before. It's like Diabetes was laughing in my face. Oh well... such is life, moving on.

Grace's first appointment with the Ortho was great, he seemed pleased with how the xray looked. I saw the xray right after they took it and was MORTIFIED, I thought it looked terrible, i thought my nightmare had come true. I thought "they are going to have to operate to correct this and re-brake it entirely, so when he walked in saying "things look great" I looked at him with doubt in my face "are you sure... did you see her xray" of course he had, and of course I still question if he saw the RIGHT Xray. oh he must think I'm such a pain in the ass. On December 19th they will change the cast HOPEFULLY to a full leg cast, depending on how great the xray looks. If it's AWESOME, he'll just cast her from her thigh down, if it's just good, we're back to the full body cast. Praying for awesomeness...

True Colors...

2011-11-22T09:09:00.001-08:00

After Grace hurt her leg, I was shocked and touched by the people that were there for us. I think in time of need true friends show their faces, people that come to your aide, support you, give you a shoulder to cry on. Friends that I never would have thought of offering to drive us places if we needed a bigger car (I traded mine in a few months ago for a Fiat.. cute.. yes... Do i love it... yes.... is it practical for a kid with a broken femur bone who is in a laying down position and her wheel chair... no) Family of course is always there, I have the best mother and sister somebody could ask for. My mom who is a teacher took week's of school to help me take care of Grace, to help teach her school work she'll be missing, and just maintain her everyday care, my sister who has talked to her work and put them on notice that she may need to leave early, come late, or miss a few days depending on what I may need. But friends... friends are always the ones that take my breath away and touch my heart more than anybody ever could. I suppose it's because the thought of Family you automatically think of them always being there... you almost expect it. That's what a family is for, rising to the occasion when crises happens. Friends however, I never expect friends to rise to any occasion to help me.

I've put a bit of a wall up when it comes to friends and close relationships. I had a very very good friend who I thought we would be there for each other always. But things happened, relationships changed and we are no longer part of each others life. It's sad, but it's life. So I look at my current friends and I think "how long till you leave me?" and I'm happy to say I can count on my one hand some that I think never will. I had amazing friends come help me move furniture to make caring for Grace easier, they ran errands for me, bought us lunch and gave me a shoulder to lean on. I had a friend bring us dinner, which was an amazing help the first day we got home from the hospital. Even the girls Kindergarten teacher came over to bring us dinner (and it was AMAZING!) The point it, I feel like people I thought I was close to clearly aren't that close, and friends that I've known but don't talk to or necessarily on a daily bases showed me that they really are there for my family. and that is an amazing feeling. So much love!

Femur News

2011-11-20T08:51:00.000-08:00

What a week I've ended up having.... sorry for the delay in a next post. But on my way to pick up lunch for a girlfriend of mine and myself on Wed I get a phone call from my kid's school. Grace has fallen off the monkey bars and is in the nurses office with ice on her leg. I ask if it's broken, "no" is the answer I get, they pretty much tell me that the only reason they are calling is because on her medical form I wrote that I wanted a phone call for any reason that my child is in the nurses office (which is true i've heard some horror stories) I tell them thanks for calling and when I come get Presley if Grace is still in the office I'll come check on her. I get my lunch and am on my way to my friends house when the phone rings again, this time i can hear her screaming. So off I go to the school to have a looksie for myself. There she was sitting on the nurses table crying. I feel her leg, and right above her knee she screams when you touch it. So I call her Dr office, make her an appointment to be seen. I have help moving her to my car and after dropping Presley off at my sisters, Grace and I took the longest car ride to her DR's office. Every pot hole, every divot in the road, ever turn, ever stop and start made my little baby cringe and whimper in pain. Once at the DR office we go straight to radiology for an X-ray. I got a wheel chair to wheel her in and we waited in the waiting room. Once they called her name we went in the back "ankle hurts huh?" the teach ask's me... "nope her leg, above her knee" Once Grace realized that we had to pick her up again she started screaming.. "DON'T TOUCH ME!!!! DON'T TOUCH ME!!!!!" I picked her up, layed her on the x-ray table, she's screaming in pain telling us not to touch her. The techs ask her to lay her leg flat.. she screams "IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!!!! IMPOSSIBLE!!!!" after the techs tried to force her leg down a bit, and her continuing to scream at them they decided to just take the x-ray and see what they got.
And this is what we all saw......

Clearly, her saying it was impossible to lay flat was true. She snapped her femur bone an inch or two above her knee cap. Poor POOOOOR baby. I felt terrible, as soon as that picture came over the machine I almost threw up and started to cry.. I couldn't begin to imagine the pain she was in, all the movement we had her doing, all the times I looked at her and said "Grace.. common" made me feel like such an ass. Once we saw her DR they sent us to Children's Hospital. Once there, there was a lot of waiting, lots of hemming and hawing.It's a pretty big bone to brake from a monkey bar's fall, and the DR's know why it happened. She has a mass/tumor/lesion/ something on her bone. Something that made it weak. We are told it's probably nothing, that it's not uncommon for kids to have these build ups of calcium. BUT they can't say for sure, for sure that it's nothing, but more than likely it is nothing. We were told to not worry about it AT ALL, and the dr would worry about it a little bit, suuuuuure we as parents are told that your child COULD MAYBE POSSIBLE have cancer on their bone's but.... don't worry.. i'm sure it's nothing. Sure, i'll do that. We got to the hospital at 2 and at 9:30 PM they took her to the OR to set her leg and cast it. We were told that she would be in a cast from her high waist down to her toes, and she'll be in a wheel chair for 6 weeks. This will be a fun 6 weeks....

being in a cast, and having an IV in her arm won't stop my little artist from drawing

Her panda

Daddy feeding her lunch

I think she's going to milk this for all it's worth, and I don't blame her

It's going to be a long 6 weeks, you forget how dependent they are on you. for EVERYTHING, thirsty, hungry, going to the bathroom, itching their toes, handing them things... oye.. give me strength I'm going to need it.

So Long, Farewell...

2011-11-16T07:50:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I made a big decision, one that was actually harder than I thought it would be. I DELETED MY FACEBOOK... that's right I said So Long to the social network. ( I should add a disclaimer right about here), I didn't Delete delete it... because i am semi addicted to a few of the games on there.. mainly FarmVille.. that's right, I'm a virtual farmer. So I had some big choices.. delete my account entirly and start a new Facebook under a fake name so I could continue farming, OR..delete all my friends (except farms such as myself) remove all pictures, and just use my account for said farming. I mean, I have been working REALLY hard on my farm. I have some pretty cool stuff, that... well... I didn't really wanna part with. SO I went with option two. I deleted all my friends, changed the profile picture, changed the name and will only use it to play silly games.

This however proved MUCH harder than I thought. Which brings me here. As I deleted albums of my family and our life's together, i felt so sad. I loved all those pictures, I loved sharing them. But it was clear that most people don't really care about me and my shit, and why should they. But I still like to share them. SO in the moment of sadness watching these pictures be deleted I had a glimmer of hope, a light at the end of the long, dark, lonely tunnel. MY BLOG!!! Oh yes, my blog.. my blog is still there, I can still share pictures and stories of my life. People still may not care, but the act of sharing them makes me so happy. So now that I won't be devoting my time to facebook, this just gives me more time to devote to my blog. YAY!

Rest of our days....

2011-08-13T19:19:00.000-07:00

Day two during camp, we did nada... we sat by the pool. Well, my mom and Grace sat by the pool, I fell asleep in the hotel room and slept for 3 hours. I was exhausted. On day three my sister came up via the local train. She ended up getting off at the wrong exit which was really irritating, BUT once we found each other, we spent the day at Balboa Park and then back at the hotel pool. My sister and I also took a trip to a local Target that had an escalator for CARTS.. it was pretty exciting for us, we've never seen anything like that. We took pictures and people stared at us. They probably thought we were from some rural area where even having a Target was fancy! But no... we're just 40 miles north in Oceanside.. but thanks for staring anyways. The final day of camp Tyler took the train down (and got off at the right exit) and we spent the afternoon in Old Town. We had lunch and walked the streets. I bought three pairs of sunglasses, because.. I loose them often, AND once you find a pair you like.. stock up! That's what I say. After old town we headed to Presley's camp for the product fair, and to have Grace participate in Trialnet.. we're crossing our fingers on that one.
When I told Grace I was going to have her participate in this TrialNet study, I lied to her, I told her that the scientist need the help of siblings of boys and girls with Type 1 diabetes to see how their blood is different from a child with Type 1 diabetes. I didn't tell her they were looking for Antibodies that are associated with Type 1. That would have FREAKED her freak. So I made a lie I thought she would go with. She didn't she still didn't want to get her blood drawn. But on the day it was to happen we walked over there, there they made us READ a waiver TO Grace, and had her sign it... so much for my fancy lie. I still think all the verbiage was over her head, and she ended up doing it only because they had numbing cream for her arm. Whatever.. as long as she did it. Enjoy the pictures of our final three days (clearly there are A TON, but I don't want to loose my audience because I think they want to see all 100 photos..)

The little boy in the pool REALLY wanted to play with Grace, she was playing hard to get and acting all weird, trying to hid in her inner-tube

Me.. Pool side
I had no intentions on getting IN the water. Just staying in the shade with my make up on

After each camp day Presley got some swim time in too. I LOVE this picture.

Grace would do this for hours. Once when she was trying to be a cool because of that little boy, she totally ate it and hit her chin on the concrete.

Balboa Park

Waiting for the Art Museum to open

Balboa Park is BEAUTIFUL, I would love to have professional family pictures taken here

Old Town..our last day!
My sister!

he missed me!

Grace HATED that the mariachi band brought attention to her

The Old School House. We asked Grace to take a picture inside, and she said NO! Then as we walked to lunch we told her she really missed out because it's the oldest school in all of San Diego, and it was being torn down the next day. So she missed her chance to have a picture taken in a historic building before it was gone forever.... after lunch she took the picture

My honey and I again

That was Presley's Big buddy. she was the counselor assigned to Pres. She was diagnosed last October.

Another counselor that LOOOOVED Pres. She's a super likable kid, so funny and sweet. She was even given unit flag because she was "such a joy"
not only was she their "old timer" but she was also called their "frequent checker" she LOOOVES checking her BG. Sometimes I think it can be a bit excessive BUT I'll never say no. Unless she asked 5 min after already doing it.. there are limits.

lots to come

2011-07-27T10:05:00.000-07:00

im out of town and only have my tablet...i've started a few bloggs but trying to "fix" my typing errors is harder on this thing...actually...it really pisses me off. so you'll have to sit on the edge of your seat till i get home.

Camp Wana Kura.. Day One!

2011-07-26T21:05:00.000-07:00

Today was Presley's first day of diabetes camp, and actually it went better than i thought. I didn't wake up this morning feeling panicked or nervous, even on the drive, i felt fine. It wasn't till AFTER i dropped her off and turned around to walk back to my car that my eyes started leaking. I gathered my composure as I walked to my care where my mom and Grace were waiting for me. But once i saw my mom..all that composure went out the window. i started sobbing, and I had a hard time catching my breath. After talking myself down, and drying my eyes we headed to our destination for the day The San Diego Zoo.
It seemed like the farther I drove away from my baby, the more my tummy started to hurt. So once we got to the zoo i told my mom and grace i was going to go ahead of them. i was pleased to see because we were so early it was practically empty. A few moments later my mom and grace joined me in the bathroom. My mom told grace "stay where we can see your feet" grace said " i know" in the why do you think you need to tell me something I already know voice. Then the conversation started...

me "wonder why my tummy hurts....wonder if it's my nerves or just my daily constitutional"

mom"nerves"

me "prolly...i hope she has fun"

mom"she will"

me"i hope so...what if she says she doesn't like it and doesn't want to go tomorrow?"

mom"then you wont make her...she is only 5, which is probably also why your nervous, diabetes aside...she's young"

me"true....(now i'm thinking that my mom has been in the bathroom for a while) looks like grandma is having her daily constitutional too"

mom"why do you say that?"

me"because you've been sitting there a while"

mom (as she starts to get up) "or maybe it's my breakfast meat kicking in???"

She leaves her stall and says "OH" and i notice somebody walk in to her stall, that's right.... a line had formed why we talked about why we were poo'ing.. it was more than embarrassing..it was mortifying. I told Tyler that story tonight and he says to me "why do women talk in the bathroom? you should follow the man code...the bathroom is a room of silence..no talking in the bathroom" and now..i think he may be right.

After my mom and i giggled our way to the entrance of the park, we ended up having a great day. I think going to some place like the zoo it's best to get there early.. it's not crowded, and because there's so much walking, and a lot of hills it's nice to get there before it gets to hot. we had a great day, saw our favorite animals, and it was a good distraction for me of worrying about Presley. Plus I think Grace getting some one on one time, was far over due. Enjoy the pictures!

Waiting in our car for camp.. we were a bit early

AAAAAAH!!! WE WON'T BE TOGETHER ALL DAY!?!?!?!?!

Note to self... haha thanks for the warning, I'm thinking MAAAYBE it might be a good idea that were people can stand should already be this distance away

AH! Grace is being squished by an Elephant!!!!
Not really.. it was fake

My baby Grace

Grace and Grandma in front of the giraffes

Ok... So i never really thought two thoughts about Koala's but HELLO.. how cute is he? I want to hug him, and squeeze him and love him. Wonder how cuddly he is, or if he would scratch my eyes out if I tried to hold him.

I've always LOVED the Polar Bears

haha! Grace was being silly with me at the zoo, she's normally my serious one.

Panda's were Grace's favorite. She LOVES pandas

The end of her first day of camp, she got a stuffed bear that was so sweet. It almost made me cry. When I picked her up the one thing that DID make me cry was the fact that Presley was the "old timer" in her unit. Most all of the kids in her unit had been diagnosed with in a year or less, not my old timer.. just hit her 4 year anniversary.

those are some DIRTY fingers! I'll tell you, I do try to check her BG on other sections of her finger, but she insist on her finger tips.. every where else makes her cry because it hurts. And when she checks herself,. this is her favorite finger. I think we can see it needs a bit of a break

Totally tuckered out from a full day of fun with new friends!

Random

2011-07-24T15:31:00.001-07:00

Now I LOVE this face more than you could know... BUT he keeps following me EVERYWHERE panting.. he's making my air hot, and stinky.

Jazz it up a bit!

2011-07-23T12:22:00.000-07:00

I have WAY to many creative things I want to do, ALL the time. The only thing holding me back from going hog wild is... time and money (imagine that) Although lets be real it's money, if I had the money i could MAKE the time, that's for sure.

I've started sewing, well.. I say that very confidently like i'm Sewing regularly.. when really I'm not. I'm LEARNING how to sew.. I mean, i have a hard time getting the needle and the bobbin to connect. In fact I'm so new at it.. i don't even know if what I just said makes ANY sense. But I have big ideas for how good i'm going to get at sewing.. I'm going to get so good, I think i'm going to start my own business... that's right... my own business! Oh you just wait!

I also have BIG ideas for things i'm going to do inside my house. Bathroom remodels, bedroom makeovers.. oh.. it's going to be great. BUT again... that darn money thing. So in the mean time, i like decorating frames. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE pictures and I have a wall in my house that is my MAIN picture wall. It's kind of a miss mosh of frames, different sizes, colors.. but anyways. I had a few frames that were either to boring, or un-hang-able that I jazzed up a bit!

This picture is of Grace and Tyler at the daddy daughter dance. The frame use to be black so i spray painted it this blue color, then took the corsage from that night and hot glued it to the frame twisting the ribbon a bit to make it even prettier.

This frame use to be white and boring, so I spray painted it white, then hot glued this red ribbon to the back and added these pretty buttons to jazz it up a bit!

This frame also use to be white, and I spray painted it a lime green, added the same red ribbon as the other frame, and at the top put three buttons together to make a nice center decoration.

Tyler got me this frame a while ago, and the one BIG issue with it was that it didn't hang. So I hot glued the pretty off white late to the back of the frame so it could hang. But once that was done it looked so... Eh unfinished that I got a lace head band that I wore to an 80's and made a big bow. Once I hot glued it onto the top of the frame, i LOVED it!

Letting go... a LITTLE at a time

2011-07-23T11:58:00.000-07:00

I talked to the medical director of Presely's unit for Camp wana Kura yesterday, and got some of my concerned eased. I was assured that although the "schedule" shows only one BG check they do indeed check it 3 or more times threw out the day. She explained that herself, a nurse, and several teen volunteers will be in charge of Presley's group which will have 15 kids. She also told me I could hang out for a little bit just to watch and hopefully feel better.

It was a relief talking to her and knowing that of course they only have the best interest of the kids in mind at all time, and she seemed just as sweet as can be. BUT it didn't make it feel any easier for me, and it certainly didn't keep me from crying while on the phone with her. I could feel my breathing get harder as we talked. We talking about what they would do (activity wise), what they would do in case of a high, and what they do to side on the error of caution when it comes to eating and exercise. We talked about the pool, and she told me the units Teen volunteers would be with them at all times playing in the water. She told me that the teen's are mostly diabetics themselves and past campers of Camp wana Kura... so that they are VERY aware of watching for lows.

Even now, thinking about dropping her off makes my eyes fill with tears. I think anytime you let go a little with your child it's scary. Hoping they have fun, are safe, and have an overall good experience with out you... is terrifying. I don't think the letting go of control over her Diabetes will EVER be easy for me tho. I think probably because it's such a grown up worry, and I want it to be my worry for as long as possible, I want it to be MY issue. But once I drop her off...I wont be looking for lows, I wont be giving insulin, I wont be doing what I do. Ever since she was diagnosed I don't think i've just relaxed. Not truly, even if I think i'm relaxed having a good time with friends, or my husband on a date, Presley and her diabetes are always there some where. If the phone rings.. I think WHATS WRONG.

This is going to be the HARDEST loosing of the reigns I think i'll ever do, because it's my first time doing it. Remember she was only a BABY when diagnosed, so I've had her to myself, I've been the one doing it all since she was 18 months old, and to let that go and drop her off with strangers who say they will take great care of my precious girl.. phewph... i cry just at the thought.

A few weeks before diagnoses

Cuddling daddy

Playing at the park

In the hospital, this was days after diagnoses once she started to feel better
home from the hospital, wearing a shirt her Aunt Tracy got her.

2Am

2011-07-21T22:55:00.000-07:00

A lot of us parents with children with Type 1 are use to getting up in the middle of the night. I use to be really..REALLY good about this. But I've found the longer I've been doing this the HARDER it is for me to wake up at 2AM. I feel like I'm so tired that once I lay down.. that's it. So I now find myself STAYING up later. It makes me feel like such a disappointment really. What kind of mother can't FORCE herself to get up in the middle of the night to check on her child's HEALTH.

On the flip side, I normally stay up late enough to where I feel comfortable with her numbers, insulin on board, food still in her system, I try to take it all into account. But there have been times (more than once) where I am so tired, i feel sick, and I lay down set my alarm and say to myself "self.... you HAVE to get up" and I don't even remember the alarm going off. I feel INCREDIBLY guilty when that happens. But don't you think guilt and parenting kind of goes hand in hand? I do. I feel guilty all the time; i didn't play with them enough, i didn't read to them enough, i didn't hug them enough, I shouldn't have yelled at them for that. So imagine taking all that normal parent guilt and ADDING... diabetes guilt, did I check her enough, did I calculate that right, should I have done that, or should I have done this, did I wake up in the middle of the night like i was suppose to, did I cause that low, did I bring on that high, could I have avoided it, did my decisions make her tiny body not feel well? Huuhh, it's daunting at times. Back to the waking up in the middle of the night... I will say this... I think as parents (and mothers especially) we have a connection to our kids. There have been times, where I've waken up without my alarm and just felt like I need to check her BG. Even if I'm so tired and I say in my head "she's fine.. go back to sleep" i force myself to get up.. and guess what? She's low! How awesome do I feel then? Pretty awesome.

On the topic of children... have you all heard the list that CNN put out on the 9 things you should NEVER say to your kids??? If not... I have it for you... along with a few thoughts...Your Welcome.
(in NO particular order)

1.Leave me Alone
Why can't I say this to my kid? I love my kids... really I do. But lets be honest, kids can be annoying. And if I'm busy, writing on my blog, cleaning my kitchen, doing laundry, or playing on my imaginary farm.. I'm going to tell them to leave me alone. It's okay....kids don't need to be hanging out with their parents 24/7. There are kids out there that are like that.. we call them weirdo's. But honestly.... every once in a while, I don't think telling your kid to leave you alone is going to add to their therapy bill when they are older. They will understand why you said it when they have children of their own. It doesn't mean we don't love them, it just means.. we want to love them from a little farther away.

2.Don't cry
Well, I guess this will depend on why they are crying. Did they fall and brake an arm? I mean if so.. please.. cry it out. Are you crying because I won't buy you that toy on isle 5? If so.. "dont cry" or I'll give you a reason to cry (actually i'm kidding about that.. you'll see why later) Kids cry, and sometimes it's a warranted cry, sometimes it's not and if it's not.. guess what.. dont cry.

3. Your so...
Your so what? stupid.. that's not cool. Your so... awesome? who wouldn't want to hear that? I would pay total strangers to tell me how awesome and rad I am. If I wanna tell my kid they rock, why can't I?

4.Why can't you be more like your sister/brother?
What if their sister/brother IS better? again.. of course i'm kidding. Yea.. this one is kind of harsh. although .....I may have been guilty of this, you judge. Is it the same to point out how one child may have a better attitude and how different attitudes get you different reaction/attention? I mean.. that's not the same right? "Your sister doesn't ___ or ____ which is why she doesn't get in trouble... when all you do is ___ and ___ of course your going to get a different reaction"

5.You know better than that
Did they know better?? My kids do things all the time that they KNOW better than, but against their better judgment they do it anyways. I mean, i suppose if the action is age appropriate to knowing better.. why not. I mean, I'm not going to tell a baby "you know better than that.." when they stick a key in a light socket.. but hey.. they know now... but before they didn't know. On the other hand, if my 10 year old sticks a key in a light socket, i'll probably say "you know better than that".... remember.. it happened when you were a baby.

6.Stop or i'll give you something to cry about..
I've probably said this before. hey everybody needs to be reminded in public that a smack bottom is just fell swoop away, ya know.

7.Wait till daddy gets home
What if they are wanting dinner but we're waiting for daddy? OR what if they are being REALLY naughty and need to be reminded that big scary daddy will be home to deal with them? I've told my kids "wait till daddy gets home" after i've locked them in the back yard and wouldn't let them back in till daddy got home because they were driving me crazy (true story....more than once)

8.Hurry Up
SOMETIMES.. when you sleep in, and your going to be late for school, and your running out of the house grabbing shoes, backpacks, purses, DIABETES SUPPLIES, lunches, snacks, throwing on some clothes, finding your keys, brushing your hair, putting on lipstick, and trying to get out the door.. there is only two words that work.. HURRY UP!

9.Great Job! Good Girl!
I told my kids probably 10 times EACH today.. GOOD JOB! GOOD GIRL! GREAT! FANTASTIC! while we were bowling and they were trying their best. Whats wrong with that? I mean i'm not patting them on their head, asking them to roll over and do a trick.

CLEARLY.. whoever wrote this list.... doesn't have kids. Or has a child SO sheltered, SO softly spoken to, that they are going to have a ROUGH time in the real world.

Off to do HOPEFULLY my last BG check!

Because BG keeps me up late.....

2011-07-21T22:32:00.000-07:00

Thought I would share some pictures with you all... First Up...4th of July!

On the 4th this year I bought some CHEAP little very last minute decorations for a very small BBQ I was having. The last decoration I hung up had this fancy little mark on it.......How do you like that... USA decorations Made in China.... seems fitting really. Lame.. but fitting Then there's Presley, in a mullet hat, holding a chicken, in her underwear.
Niiiiiice

Saw this sign today on my way to the golden spoon. I probably should have been headed to the Weight loss challenge place... but frozen yogurt sounded better. Now i know frozen yogurt is better than ice cream (i guess) but it still seems funny sitting right next to a "Get thin.." sign don't ya think.

Took the kidlets bowling today with a friend and her kids. Here are some pictures of my kids and their sick bowling skills.

Grace went for it. It's a hard concept to teach kids to ROLL the ball, and not to THROW the ball. Grace actually threw it over into another lane once...... oops

Wait for it.... wait for it......

Presley going for it. She didn't throw it as hard as Grace, but it also went REALLY slow. A few times I didn't think it would even make it to the pins.

Wait for it.... wait for it....

Please be good.... please be good.....

hahaha this is my FAVORITE picture of the day. How sweet!

Random thought
I hate the sound of my dog or cat licking their fur it grosses me out.

Welcome to the farm!

2011-07-21T14:39:00.000-07:00

I was looking around my yard and house at all of my beautiful animals and wanted to share their pictures with you all. I really think there is nothing else in this world that can bring the kind of joy an animal can. Each one so unique, they all capture my heart. Some more so than I would have EVER expected... So let me introduce to you.. Our family Farm.

CASH
This is Cash, he is without a doubt the BEST DOG in the world. I don't really think he's dog, I think he's a little man in a golden retriever suite. He is such a snuggler, he just puts a smile on my face when ever I see him. Actually I think I have more Pictures of him on my phone than my kids. How sad is that.

HANK

Mine and Tylers first EVER pet was this ol boy, Hank. He's my fat cat. A bit of a CatAttude but, he loves to love on his terms. How very cat like of him. He's a biter and when ever somebody comes over to our house I warn them "the cat bites" I think it always freaks them out a bit. I mean, he's not going to run and attack you, but if you pet him and he doesn't want you too.. i'll bite you just so you're clear about that. I love him.. but my husband will probably throw a going away party the day old Hank passes on. Poor guy

LUCKY

Lucky is a lovely love bird given to us by my good friend Lorianne. Lucky earned his name from escaping from his cage (while the cat slept on it) and surviving threw the night. Since then and one new cage later, he has been known to escape while we're not and still not being cat food. I tell ya.... so much for cat's having 9 lives.. I think this little guy does. isn't he cute??

One of the biggest surprises to me is our chickens. Tyler wanted chickens for eggs about a year ago. So last February we got 8 baby chicks. WELL, I will NEVER be without them again. they bring me SO much joy and entertainment it's shocking to me! We use to have a "chicken chair" that we would sit on and just watch the chickens roam around. They each have their own personality and the term Pecking order i'm SURE came from chickens... here are our girls..

CHIC CHIC.. she's missing her tail feathers.. she is NOT on the top of the pecking order. She's Grace's favorite, but not ours. Because she's white she always looks dirty. Grace named her She's also been attacked by a dog and survived. It was a VERY scary thing. Poor girl. But we nursed her back to health. And honestly to get her to start eating again, we fed her EGG'S and tylonal.. i know, weird.

This lovely lady is Artichoke she's a beautiful blond color and is kind of just a commoner in the group. They tend to leave her alone. But she's not on top. There is nothing interesting to say about her.

Penny
Penny is a bit of a bully, she's actually kind of an ass. But she holds her own. her counter part, her friend that was the same type of chicken as her died about a month ago VERY mysteriously. We're still investigating (not really... she's a chicken) Penny likes to pick on the others.. probably to avoid being pecked on her self. Whatever.... a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.

Little Red....
Now little red is near and dear to my heart. She is our special needs chicken. As you can see her eyes are puffy and kind of swollen, they never look normal and we're 99% sure, she's partially blind. She lives in solitary confinement because the other chickens started treating her so badly. She lives in the main part of the yard that we use and she has one buddy besides the dog that she hangs with (you'll meet him later) She's a slow learner and is the only chicken that will lean up against your leg, or gladly let you pick her up. she likes being inside with us and tends to perch underneath the dining room table. I really do LOVE this lil girl. I've always been the kind of person to cheer for the under dog and this ol gal IS the under dog. LOVE HER! I could actually write childrens books about her, and I've considered it.

Barbra and BIG Red
Now, you wanna talk about HEAD hen, there they are. Barbra is the black and white one, and she IS in charge. She is my second favorite chicken in the group. Before when the girls were totally free range all over the yard Barbra would follow us every where. She is the leader in the group, the other chickens follow her lead for everything. She also sleeps on the TOP perch in the coop and will NOT allow anybody up there with her. She IS the leader.. a fair leader.. but the leader. now BIG Red is the commander, we always joke that Barbra gives the order and big red follows it threw. She's the big bully on campus she will pick on ANY of them with the exception of Barbra. In fact it go SO bad Ty thought he was going to have "eliminate" her. But funny thing, after he was planing on it... she got a LITTLE nicer.

Walter
Last but never least.. and certainly not the smallest is Walter our African Desert Tortoise. He was given to us by my cousins sister in law. Tyler was totally stoked to get him, he LOVES reptiles and had one of these at his parents house. He is little reds buddy, little red sleeps with Walter and sometimes Walter eats her eggs.. SICK! But the thing I'M surprised about is how much I like him. I mean truly, I find him SO facinating and interesting. He makes me laugh, I could really watch him for hours. It's actually kind of relaxing to sit in the yard watching all of the animals. Walter is pretty big and VERY strong. he actually weighs around 85 pounds and is like a bulldozer. if he wants to go some where and something is in his way... if it's not attached to something solid it will be knocked over or moved over. He is constantly trying to get in the house.. which of course my husband wouldn't mind if he didn't have such BIG poo. But I think enough is enough.... we already allow one chicken in the house.. lets not be crazy and bring in a tortoise.

That's our farm for now. There certainly is more we wouldn't mind owning. I want a mini pig. How cute would that be? Because of all these animals... we decided our Christmas card should reflect our family farm.... hahaha What do ya think?

**I am missing one chickens picture.. her name is fluffles, she looks like chic chic, the white fluffy one with fluffy feet BUT she's black and white. she's Presley's chicken and is a brudy hen, she LOVES to lay on eggs. She's a sweet girl, I love how she runs, it's like a waddle, One day i'll throw her picture into another blog when I can find it**

Christmas 2010

just call me stooopid

2011-07-20T22:41:00.000-07:00

Some random thoughts from the middle of the night

1. there seems to be a lot of boom booming going on..now this makes me nervous because..i don't know what it is. Is it the military base playing? A ghetto car full of ghetto people driving around outside..which doesn't really work because why would they sit outside my house...turn their radio up.....then down....then up? they wouldn't...so more than likely it's the military base running drills. (did i forget to mention i have another irrational fear of bad people? people braking in..killing me...robbing me...home invasion type stuff??? how i function sometimes is AMAZING!)I've always been a bit of a spaz when it comes to my paranoia..but having kids has amplified this fear. I swear i try to keep it in check as to not pass on this crazy to them. I could have VERY easily been the crazy person on a plane screaming " I DON'T WANT TO DIE!!!" but instead i held my baby rocking back and forth..because THAT'S less crazy.

2.I'm a terrible TERRIBLE speller. I've gotten better over the years and honestly I think blogging has helped. But I still find myself dumbing things down that I would want to say because I can't figure out the spelling for a "fancy" word. Not to say that I use fancy vocabulary, but every once in a while I want to say something.... and the spelling is SO wrong.. it LOOKS wrong, but there are NO suggestions in spell check. Which leaves me with the option of using to small stupid words to make up that one nice, fancier word. I also notice when reading my blogs back.. AFTER i've published them.. AFTER I've already read threw them once or twice words that are wrong... like instead of saying So I wrote To small things. It makes me hit my head and go DOH! I wonder why this happens to me so much? I think it's because I think faster than I can type. I start to babble and my fingers can't keep up with my mind.

3. I wonder why BG is so complicated. Presley has been waking up low EVERY morning it seems and when I say low I mean any where from 44 to 70. So one night before bed her BG was 45..EK! I gave her a 15 carb juice and waited a bit. Now normally if her BG is low.. i'll give her something to eat but still cover the majority of the carbs. Because a juice box can take her form 45 to 250.. so after about 15 min I was going to give her some insulin to cover part of the juice.. I added the carbs into her pump, but then as we went threw the motions her pump said she already had 2.5 units on board. GREAT! I hope the juice works.. so i choose not to give insulin. I put her to bed and when i went to bed she was .... 155 perfect i thought! The next morning she was 350!! What the! So a few nights later... her BG was again not perfect for bed time. I give her a snack.. and cover a few of the carbs with insulin (this time she didn't have any already on board) at bed time she was great, but come morning she was low again! I feel like at times.. i can't win for not. I think sometimes her body likes to tease me saying "nearner nearner.. you can't control me!!" I hate that it's so complicated and really... i feel like a big guessing game

I'm sure I had tons of thoughts last night... I couldn't sleep, and I started writing this blog in bed with my new Tablet (yay!) But then it's battery started to die so I couldn't keep writing and I just finished this in the AM.... and well... all my thoughts are gone.

It's ART!

2011-07-20T20:41:00.000-07:00

I've gotten two new tattoo's lately and they are WORKS of art... This lovely piece artwork is from Grace. She drew this cat in the hat when she was in Kindergarten. I love how her signature is her first name and last initial run together. Instead of Grace K it's gracek hahaha. So cute!

I told the tattoo artist to tattoo it EXACTLY how it was drawn. When Grace saw it she said "he went out of the lines.." haha such a critic. I corrected her.. and said "no, YOU went out of the lines" she looked at me like a pooped on a table.

This was actually the first one I had done. Presley drew this when she was 3.5 or 4. It's a portrait of our family. awwww... I call them my little amoeba(I'm not a strong speller anyhow so I'm sure i KILLED that word.. you all reading may not read when I'm saying haha) The little one on the right with three legs is Grace. HA! I love that Presley was specific about that.

Looks Matter

2011-07-20T20:26:00.000-07:00

I took Presley to the Dentist yesterday because of a hole in her gum she has had for a while. Now, LOGICALLY i KNEW it was a tooth coming in. But then the un-logical part of my head thought it was cancer (remember... I have a fear of this) OR some weird side effect from her blood sugar not being managed well enough. SO i made an appointment at our new dentist. When my husbands job changed, so did all of our insurance stuff (clearly)

When I walked in I noticed the walls were dingy white, the chairs were office chairs in burgundy that were stained, the reception area was a mess, miss match shelves, and old dingy, paint scuffed, pealing cabinets. SICK! I'm sitting there thinking... if they care this little about their appearance what makes me think they care about my teeth. I'm just saying.

See how dingy that cabinet looks? See the worn off paint? Good Lord!

So really, they lost me with in the first 5 min. Then as I walked threw the rest of the office I noticed countless things that bugged me. Old furniture that was broken, or EXTREMELY used looking. They did a teeth cleaning that was appalling. I mean my 5 year old I think actually DOES brush her teeth longer than they did. They used SPONGBOB toothpaste which I mean, really? Normally that's what they give the kids as their "present" for being good, along with a tooth brush. I mean, she DID get to keep THAT tube of toothpaste... how weird is that. But they used their little tooth cleaner thingy for all of 10 seconds. NEED less to say.. i will NOT be returning.

Oh and yes... it IS just a tooth coming in. See... I could have been a dentist

Sign in error

2011-07-19T08:33:00.000-07:00

Every time I try to sign into my lil blog, I get an error... why is this?

Your table is ready....

2011-07-19T07:43:00.000-07:00

A few months back the hubby and I decided to go on a table hunt. Our old dining room table had dwindled down to 3 chairs, the rest had broken. So we decided one Friday afternoon, this MUST be dealt with and we were off to furniture stores to find the perfect dining room set for us. After a few stores it was clear non of these furniture stores were going to carry anything that was "our" taste. We like, old, rustic, vintage and different. Not the real modern, bar stool height that is so in. So my husband had a BRILLIANT idea.. something we had talked about in the past but never did. He said "lets make a table out of a door" I was totally game, so we went to this GREAT store down in San Diego called Architectural Salvage.. AMAZING! I was in LOVE.. old doors, windows, knobs, lights, nick knacks.. a DREAM! They had a HUGE selection of doors, and once we found the one we liked... we were off! Here's our table! isn't it AMAZING?!?!?! I told my husband he did such a good job, I think he could sell them.. truly, we would have bought it.

The door says "Department" we love how the window has the metal lines going threw it. We topped it with a plate of glass, to protect the wood and to make it a flat surface for eating.

The base was built by Tyler (my honey) and the legs are old post from a historic building. Actually that's not true.. HA! I WISH they had a cool story, as you can tell I try to lie about it all the time when people ask me. BUT i'm not a good liar. They are actually deck posts that we painted and aged. I knew I wanted one leg of the table to not match the rest. So I have one yellow leg, and the rest are white. GREAT!

(please try to ignore the large wad of dog hair under the table! Good Lord! my golden retriever looses probably enough hair to make another dog every day)

our cool "historic" legs. I think they turned out pretty good

I also knew I didn't want ANY of the chairs to match, so it only took us about a week to find them all. I painted them different colors and WHALA! I LOVE it! Tyler also built a bench for along the wall. The table is VERY heavy and kinda big, so i knew it had to lean up against the wall so it didn't take over the entire dining area (I don't live in a giant house... it's perfect size) Tyler was going to build a bench with storage underneath it but then I got cheap.

Me"I don't care if you build a bench, but it better not cost more than 100.00"

Him"it will"

Me"then forget about it"

I left the house for a little bit, and when I got back he had built a bench out of our OLD dining room table. He's so resourceful!
The crackle look was actually done with Elmers glue.. THAT'S right good old fashion white glue. Crackle "paint" was more than we wanted to spend to Tyler said "there has to be a cheap way to do it" and he was right. You simply put your first coat of paint on, and in this case.. it was green, then a layer of glue, topped with another coat of paint. As the glue dries it will crack, AND another great thing... is because it's glue.. it almost has a lacquer finish, VERY strong!

I, yam what I yam

2011-07-18T16:25:00.000-07:00

I don't know why I haven't been as dedicated to my blog as I have been in the past. Perhaps I think I'm not witty enough, funny, clever? or just a no good writer? OR maybe it's because really the way my mind works. I have so much to say, and so much I think about that I think maybe if I were to actually write it down it would make NO sense to the outside world. All of the above thoughts are good possibilities. So I'm going to go with .... if people don't think I'm funny, clever or witty, or if my thoughts are to jumbled to the normal person, well then... I guess they would just move on. Because really... why does anybody blog? do they do it for themselves? or to feel important with other people wanting to hear what they have to say? To laugh at their jokes? I mean, really.. if you just want to write to be therapeutic for yourself.. then get a Diary. I like blogging, because I like the thought of people out there reading what I write and getting a chuckle, or relating to what I say. Because really.... I think I'm pretty funny, witty, and clever. My husband always says.. I'm my biggest fan, and he's probably right.

I've had a bit of anxiety of the last few weeks. At first I thought for sure it was cancer (I have a irrational fear of getting it) I had a hard time breathing with a tightness in my chest so OF COURSE this meant lung cancer. Thank god it was just anxiety from a few things I think....

1.Diabetes camp- Presley will be attending her first year of diabetes camp. It's not an over night camp (that would CLEARLY put me in an institution) But a day camp from 8 to 3. I've been worried over it, but not anxious. THEN the schedule for camp showed up. Then the breathing became harder. The thought of this little girl, who I have had COMPLETE control over for 24 hours a day 7 days a week.. FOREVER will now be OUT of my control.. is well... cause for panic, just thinking about it could make my breathing become more rapid. I have to send an email to the camp director.. I don't like that in the schedule there is only one BG check. Now clearly.. if a child wants it checked, they wouldn't say "NO! it's not on the schedule" BUT the fact that they don't show it being checked BEFORE snack makes me worry. So I'll have to check into all that. But Presley is BEYOND excited and well, I want it to stay that way. Mommy will take on all the worry and Presley should just be focused on how much fun it will be.

2. Kindergarten, yes, Kindergarten is probably number 2 reason for anxiety. We still haven't worked out the kinks of how it's going to go, and how the school is going to accommodate her. I DID have a meeting with the principal and that went MUCH better than my prior conversations. She of COURSE agreed to a 504 plan, but she's suppose to call me at the beginning of Aug to get it all squared away. Huuuhhh oh the anxiety. I try to stay positive, and think that everything will work out. ((I had more to say on the subject but lost my train of thought when my timer for some banana bread I made went off just now... and I should note.. it's more like a CAKE than a loaf of bread.. so big.. hope it's good?!))

3. Diagnoses day... I always have a bit of sadness around this time of year. July 25th will be 4 years since our lives changed forever. And ever year around that time, I find myself being a bit sad. I reflect on that day, the days leading up to that day, the moments before I was told "your daughter has diabetes" it's had for me. But I try to smile thinking how far we have come. I remember coming home, and people always telling me "things will be okay.. she'll be okay.. you'll be okay" and me getting really angry about it. I didn't WANT to feel okay.. I wanted to be angry. Or how on a few support websites people would tell me "it will get easier" and THAT would make me mad.. i thought "how can you say that? it will NEVER be easy.. it will NEVER be OUR normal." and here I am 4 years later.. living a new normal. Huh.. who knew! She's come along way, she still the most amazingly strong little girl I've EVER met. I'm proud to be her mommy.

As far as anxiety goes.. that pretty much wraps it up. Just a few fun things.... I've changed my hair quite a bit over the last few months.. Lets take a look

1. I went dark, with FUN color.. that's pink and blue. It was so cute, looked like confetti.

2. I thought going blond would be fun... I was wrong. It ended up FRYING my hair, and lighter hair really isn't me..

3. I think they have the saying wrong when they say Blonds have more fun, because CLEARLY it's red heads that have more fun .... I love being red, and as you can see.. it's GONE! i cut it off, I've decided to focus on getting my hair healthy again. Which means I need to be content for a little while with what I got and for now... it's this.

Now I'm on the road to hair recovery... it's going to be a painful road... but IT MUST BE DONE!!

MUCH more to come... Stay Tuned!

Taking Diabetes to school

2011-03-02T15:53:00.000-08:00

The time has come that the kindergarten light is starting to shine on my youngest... my heart, my joy my little Presley. Yesterday as I drove to school thinking about her in Kindergarten, thinking about how they would take care of her brought me to tears.

I didn't expect to have the reaction that I had, but as I drove, and I thought of all the people in the past who were so dismissive of Presley and her diabetes I was brought over with fear that the school would be as dismissive too. Once the paper work was about filled out and turned in, I mentioned to them that she had diabetes to which one of the staff members said as she waved her hand at me as if to say (get outta here) "oh well we got this... she'll be fine" I smiled and mentioned wanting a 504 plan. She was a bit dismissive again, saying "they don't typically do 504 plans for Diabetes". She then stood up and went to make a copy. I turned to the lady helping me and asked how a 504 plan is started...do I have to formally ask for it? Whats the go around. To which she said to me "we should ask Linda (the "we got this" gal) her daughter had a 504 for a peanut allergy" Now... I'm not saying a peanut allergy can't be and isn't serious, but REALLY? she's telling me they GOT this, and she'll be fine and she doesn't think a 504 plan is necessary for diabetes but it IS necessary for an allergy? This left me feeling less than underwhelmed to say the least.

The next day I talked to the nurse who, also said "we don't do that for diabetes... we do a personal health plan" So I went into the office to get a copy of a "Personalized health plan" and all I have to say is "ummm no" some of the main things that popped out at me were

1. when describing diabetes it said "the pancreas doesn't produce ENOUGH insulin" umm no, my child's pancreas doesn't produce ANY insulin

2. the word INDEPENDENTLY came up. as the child were to perform things independently.. UMMMM NO, my child is 5 and can't even count.

3. and last but not least.. it stated that even tho a high blood sugar isn't healthy for a diabetic it isn't the emergency that low blood sugar is, and will be dealt with at home. UMMM NO, if my daughter has a high BG, you will NEED to deal with it at school and check for ketones.

I have an appointment with the principal on Thursday. I really hope that she makes me feel better, that she makes me feel that my daughter will be safe while in there care. I don't want to be a crazy "psycho" mom but guess what... I will be. I also don't want to get threatening or nasty, I just want them to do what is right, which is provide my child who has a recognizable disability with the 504 plan that she has a right too. How I wish this didn't have to be so hard.

Baby ache...

2011-02-20T14:59:00.000-08:00

I kinda thought my days of wishing, and wanting for baby number 3 was over. I love my life, the kids I have and the life I lead. So when my cousin gave birth to the most beautiful baby boy, I was surprised to feel this hug ache for baby!

I fight back and forth in my head about having a third, wanting a third, and how practical it is in our life. But looking at that baby, hearing the little coo's he makes, his little mouth yawning, his little tiny body all curled up.. It made something in me go.. "huuhhhhh" Really it's a pointless fight to have in my head. My husband had a vesctomy the march after our Presley was born. He doesn't fight the baby urge as I do. He is D.O.N.E! I mean, you could stick a fork in him and he is OVER done. But I on the other hand, dream about what it would be like to be pregnant again, and to have an infant in the house again.

I know having a third baby isn't in the cards for me, so i suppose I'll have to latch on to baby Rhys. He will be spoiled by a very big fan of his, his Aunt Gretchen. I suppose I should look forward to the spoiling, snuggling, and all the joys of having a baby without any of the sleepless night, and constant worry.

Welcome to this world young man!!

Light at the end of the tunel...

2011-02-20T14:38:00.000-08:00

I wrote about our insurance woes, so I thought I would up to date those that care. The day I was suppose to go into talk about the HSA plan, Tyler's humane resource guy called him and told Ty the company was more than likely going to be carrying an HMO plan as well as the HSA plan. I really hope he's right, I'm about to miss the cut off of getting the girls their own insurance plan with a private insurance company. Huuhhh taking some big leaps of faith here.

There is also a bit of the light I can't share right now. I don't want to jinx it or get myself to excited, but keep posted for some even bigger and better news. It's really hard for me to keep this in because well.. Tyler says i suffer from a very server form of diarrhea of the mouth, and I'm afraid he's right. But i must keep my mouth shut, and fingers crossed that the light at the end of the tunnel is even bigger and brighter than I had hoped!

Insurance

2011-01-26T14:42:00.001-08:00

My husbands work will soon be switching insurance plans. They will be switching to a Health Savings account thingy.. I know that's real technical talk but pretty much.. that's what it is. Apparently how it works is we would pay 640 a month to insure the family (right now we pay 800 something a month) , we would need to put other money aside into a health savings account and would be responsible for 100% of all cost until we meet a 6,000 deductible! The thought of this makes my heart sink.

I thought well.. maybe it's cheaper to get private insurance. I contacted an insurance broker recommended by a friend and she explained that before March 1st insurance companies can NOT deni children medical insurance even with pre-existing conditions. But after March 1st insurance companies do not need to take children that have pre existing medical problems. So my option is

1. Use my husbands insurance.. pay for insurance, pay out of pocket 6,000 and put money in a health savings account

2. pay 840.00 a month for JUST the girls to be insurance with private insurance.

And I have to make this decision before March 1st. huuuhhh so much to think about, it gives me a heavy heart.. and perhaps a few more gray hairs. I suppose there's one upside, I'm a hairdresser so I can cover up any grays I get in the next couple weeks. Wish me luck!

Big Dog

2011-01-26T14:17:00.000-08:00

Yesterday evening, this big guy ended up in our lap. He smelled pretty bad, but wasn't hungry or thirsty. He didn't seem like he was a street dog. He wasn't skinny, his fur wasn't matted, and like I said he was thirsty or hungry. But we took him into our back yard, and let him rest for a bit. Later Tyler took him for a walk to see if anybody said "MY DOG!!!" about 20 min later Tyler came back with Big Dog (as the girls called him) No sad lost owners searching the streets for their best friend.

After a rather complicated and traumatic bath, I went online to post found dog on craigslist. I thought before posting I would check Lost and Found ad's... and LOW and behold there is the St.Bernard that was sitting in my back yard. I called the owner who was OVER JOYED to hear he had been found and not hit by a car. They came to pick him up and oddly enough they live just the next street up. Now here's the kicker... They asked to barrow our leash to take him home and of course we said sure. She said thank you so much many times, and told us she would come back and return the leash and bring a reward. She has YET to bring back my leash! Can you believe the nerve of some people. It blows my mind the nerve some people have! We were kind enough to bath your dog, keep your dog safe.. and RETURN your dog and you can't return our leash? Oh and it gets better.. they live DIRECTLY behind us! So you can't say she forgot.. all she has to do is look at her DOG, and our fence and think "oh yes.. the leash" REALLY??? REALLY???

I saw Brutice this morning, sitting on the other side of the fence. I think he misses us. And believe you me.. if by 4:00 this evening she hasn't brought our leash back.. I WILL be going over there to retrieve our property!

It's been to long....

2011-01-18T21:53:00.000-08:00

OH!! How I've missed thee. It's been far to long since my last blog. I was inspired by a friend who just recently started blogging and It made me think.. huh, I should jump back in.

As I got on facebook this morning I saw two members of my family make a comment about my grandpa. But not being specific as to why they were mentioning him. I sat back and thought for a moment. Birthday.... no, Anniversary.... no. Why did they mention him today. Then I sunk into my chair as I realized today marks his death. I took a deep breath and shook my head. Had it really been a year?? Has a year without him here already passed me by?

My grandfather was an amazing man. He loved his family.. my grandmother, his children, his grandchildren and great grandchildren. I remember the first time my husband met my grandpa, he said to me "that man has the proudest frown I've ever seen" and it made me giggle. Because it was true. He wasn't a man of many words, and he didn't sit with a goofy grin on his face, but you could see how proud he was as he watched his great grandchildren playing, or as they ran up to him saying PAPA.. PAPA!!! he was a proud man, and I know that we all are better people because he was apart of our life. I miss him, although we didn't sit down and have heart to hearts I know he loved me. He was there when I needed him, and I just miss seeing him sitting on the front porch reading his paper, or watching golf.

Love you Grampy

Sideways hats..

2010-07-26T07:18:00.000-07:00

I survived yesterday, I had some low points, but I made it threw without to many tears. But lets change topic from the ever present diabetes in my life, to something I saw the other day while driving.

I'm not sure where I was headed, but I remember seeing a Truck, an over-sized, lifted truck (which i find obnoxious anyhow, who needs a truck that requires a running start to get inside? and who likes being stuck behind those trucks, they are impossible to see around, and you know they pay a lot in gas... I'm just saying) and inside this truck i could see the profile of a young man, who had his hat on sideways. What a silly thing, I don't really get the whole sideways hat, but whatever, young people have there things and who am I to judge. I mean didn't we all have our own style when we were young? Your thing could have been hot pink leggings, or jeans tucked into your socks, or parachute pants... styles come and go, and we're all a little more embarrassed later for it. But as I approached this truck I saw a passenger and the passenger was a young lady, awww I thought, young love. They probably are both very trendy together, wearing sideways hats and Ed Hardy t-shirts. SO Sweet!

Once we got to the red light, i noticed this "young" man wasn't so young, and this young lady wasn't his high school sweet heart, it was his wife! Now I did shake my head and giggle, I think Good god man! Grow up! Turn your hat forward and stop dressing like your 12. Does the sideways hat make him feel young? hip? I dunno, but as some point I think it's time to grow up and man up to your age. Styles may come and go, but some styles are age specific and to me, a sideways hat is age specific, a grown ass man looks utterly ridiculous wearing a sideways hat. And because I did a little fashion shoot with my own sideways hat, I can say

1. it looks stupid, I by no means look tough or cool

2. it doesn't stay on very well, I think these young (or wanna be young) men must put a lot of effort in just keeping the darn thing on, because I'll tell you what.... my ultra cool BEHr Pain hat kept popping off.

Dates

2010-07-25T08:24:00.000-07:00

There are so many dates we celebrate as a society.. Christmas, New Years, Memorial Day, Labor Day... there are also dates we celebrate as individuals... Birthdays, Anniversaries. Dates can play a big role in our life. The date we met the one we would love for ever, the date we lost somebody close to us, the date we got the big promotion we were waiting for. Dates come and go, some are celebrated, some passing without notice. But there are some dates we have ingrained in our memory, dates that we wish weren't there. Dates we wish had never happened. That date for me is today.... July 25th three years ago in 2007. On that day I took a one and a half year old girl to her DR office on a hunch that something may be going on with her tiny body, but hoping it wasn't.

I remember waking up that day to my 3 year old smiling at me and the baby crying in her crib. I know she was crying because she had been crying for what seemed like days. I remember making a light breakfast of eggs and toast. I remember packing our diaper bag, and loading the kids into the car. I remember driving to the DR office, unsure of what would happen if the test they would run came back positive. I remember thinking not to think that way because there was no way my precious little girl was going to have diabetes "it's just for peace of mind" I told myself. I remember carrying my tired, cranky, exhausted, sick baby into the DR office and sitting in the waiting room.. I remember them calling her name "Presley" I remember talking to the nurse about how silly I felt. I remember the DR coming in and telling me "don't worry mom.. parents have their kids tested for diabetes all the time and it never comes back positive" I remember the nurse pricking her tiny finger and the look on her face when the number appeared on the glucose meter. I remember both DR and Nurse leaving the room and hearing "lets get a new meter, make sure it has new batteries, lets get a urine sample and lets put a call into childrens hospital" I remember the nurse's face when she came back in the room. I remember crying when they told me my daughter had diabetes. I remember not knowing what that meant, and I remember the hopeless I felt in that moment.

I remember the drive to the hospital, I remember the questions they asked me "is her breath sweet" and I remember my answers "no" when in fact it was... it had ALWAYS been. I remember them holding her down while they put IV's in her ankle and wrist, I remember the DR coming in "I'm glad you followed your instinct, another day and we would have been seeing her in our ICU, probably in a coma" I remember the days following this date. Much to learn, so much to know, so much that can go wrong, it was all SO MUCH! To much really, to much for any child to deal with. It was a day that I will never forget, and a day that may make me sad for years to come. I try to look on the brighter side, instead of being sad on today, being sad of what today brought me 3 years ago, I'll try to celebrate the fact that she's alive, that she is happy, and beautiful, funny and smart. That we did it for another year. That this year has passed and she's still here, just as happy and funny as she was last year, and the year before that. I know that her being diagnosed with diabetes doesn't define who she is, and I know that she will thrive and do whatever it is she wants in her life despite diabetes. But when she woke up this morning with a blood sugar of 358 I felt sad, that this date ever happened to her. So for now, for today i'll be a little sad that this date is a date that happened to my family three years ago.

July 25th 2007

July 25th 2010

To cable or not to cable...

2010-07-04T08:01:00.000-07:00

Have you ever thought about removing TV from your life? My husband and I are starting to SERIOUSLY consider doing just that. We have two very different reasons to do this. Mine is simple... money. His is slightly more complicated and probably more interesting than my reasoning. He wants to simply see how our family would adjust to life without tv. Would our kids be more interesting? Would their imaginations expand? Would we all talk more? spend more time as a FAMILY. Not a family not talking watching TV, but actually doing things, playing games, reading, going outside more. He said to me "instead of spending 100.00 a month watching other people live there life's, we could spend that 100.00 and live our own" compelling words i must admit, and so SO true.

The idea isn't SO hard for me to imagine, but there a few things I would miss. There is really only one show i would ache for. That being Vampire Diaries.. i know, i know.. what a teenybopper show to be watching. But I can't help myself, the sexy romantic vampire brothers are just to much for me to resist.

This whole revelation of life without TV makes me wish Cable companies offered "personalized cable" whats that you ask.. well i'll tell you. Wouldn't it be great if you could make your OWN package.. as big or as small as you want? What if I really only want NBC, CBS, ABC, the CW, HGTV, DIY, History channel, Discovery Channel, the Travel Channel, Disney, Nickelodeon, and Comedy Central? Why can't I have just that? I think it's a good idea and one that the cable companies should think about.

Anyways.. needless to say our house will probably become TV-less here in the near future. Really the idea isn't as scary as the thought of removing the internet.. the mere thought could give me a panic attack. But none the less it will be an adjustment... one that would probably be easier if I had the Vampire Diaries on DVD.. and maybe netflix threw the Wii.

Just to tide you over...

2010-06-26T07:38:00.000-07:00

I have MUCH to discuss but till I have time to sit and type.... let this moving video tide you over. I REALLY REALLY love this. I think I may do it in down town San Diego.

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=hN8CKwdosjE

Praying for releif

2010-06-23T20:12:00.000-07:00

I broke down and went to the DR, she gave me an antibiotic even tho I tested negative for strep. She said my throat looked nasty and probably has another infection... SO here's
praying for relief.

Sick Days

2010-06-23T07:40:00.000-07:00

I've been sick, totally laid up and a zombie since fathers day. It's amazing how quickly your body can go from feeling GREAT... make fathers day breakfast for your husband, excited about showing him how much you appreciate him as a father to your children to feeling like complete..... poo. I mean it hit me like a tone of bricks. Body aches... you know.. sick skin. It's a terrible feeling. Every touch makes you quiver. I spent most of that day in bed. Monday I had to care for the kids.... which lets face it, i didn't.... I had a babysitter take care of them, she's wonderful, highly recommended in a pinch, her name is TV. She entertained them most of the day, I only had to make food for them and check BG on occasion. It's truly hard being in charge of little people when you feel like crap. But I will say it has gotten easier now that they are older. I remember when they were REALLY little and I ACTUALLY had to take care of them, not set them in front of the boob tube and let her do all the work. It makes you feel guilty tho, setting them in front of the TV and walking away to dreamy land. What a boring way to start their summer, and it did make me feel neglectful but sick enough to not really care. Yesterday Tyler stayed home to help with the girls. What a dream he is.

Now I'm home alone again, I FEEL much better, no body aches, no more sick skin. BUT my throat hurts SOO bad. Have you ever had a bad sore throat and prayed for something awful like Strep? because at least you know with Strep they can give you antibiotics for it... it's not like "let it run it's course" I'm getting there now. Wanting to go to the DR but not wanting to spend the money. huuhhhh oh decisions decision.

I should mention while I was dying Tyler took over full time diabetes duty something I normally do. It gave me a bit of pleasure to hear him say " I don't like doing diabetes all the time... it's lame" I smiled and thought.. yes, yes it is. But all i said was "tired eh?" WELCOME to my full time job. Yes I stay up late depending on her BG and get up in the middle of the night if needed, it is an exhausting job but one that must be done! So i was glad he got a tiny taste of what I do.

Baby Fever

2010-06-19T13:25:00.000-07:00

Last night as I laid in bed I really thought about how nice it would be to have another baby. Maybe it was running threw my mind because not long ago Grace mentioned a kitten, or perhaps its because last night with a friend we were discussing surrogacy. Either way I had baby fever. The thought of a that tiny baby.. nestled on your chest, the smells they have, the coo's the make the tiny clothes they wear. It all made my heart melt, knowing my baby is 4 and is only getting bigger and more independent as each precious day passes.

In one hand I'm wishing my husband hadn't gone in for the big snip so the possibility of a baby could still be there, and on the other hand I think we have no business having another baby. We're financially not in a situation for another child, and lets face it with both of our children having medical issues adding a third just doesn't make sense to us. Our family is perfect, we're in a good place.. the girls are great, and getting more interesting the older they become. They like to carry on conversations, they have their own ideas and really are just amazing little people with blossoming personality's. But I wonder how long will the baby fever lasts, how long will I struggle in my head over the joy of what I have to the semi sadness I feel for what I can't have again.

Then I think.... a KITTEN.... a kitten could make me happy... to which I think
"how can you compare a human child to a kitten.... that's crazy" Perhaps it's just the small, needy, dependence I crave. Who knows what goes on in this crazy head of mine, but I guess if we're talking kitten vs. Kid... a Kitten is a lot more practical.

2010 JDRF Video

2010-06-18T09:55:00.000-07:00

If you have time... take a moment to watch this video. It shows Presley's day to day life living with diabetes. Once you've watched this video.... if your so compelled to step up and help us fight for her, you can click here and you can donate to our walk team, or join our team and stand with us on walk day and raise some money and awareness of your own. Thanks So much!

Is there anybody still out there?????

2010-06-18T09:29:00.000-07:00

Hello Blogger world, it's been so long since we've talked. Life has found me very busy and out of sorts I suppose you could say. With school, girl scouts, house work, other work, being a mom, wife and friend I've found very little time to sit and share my thoughts about family, friends and well.... the reason this blog was started, Diabetes.

Diabetes is... as I would imagine it is for a lot of people dealing with it, unpredictable. We have good days, we have GREAT days then we have days that can make you shake your head and days that can shake you to the core. We had one of those days not to long ago. It was mid afternoon and P was sleeping. When Grace said "mom... the baby is crying" ( I think Presley may always be referred to as "the baby") as I walk towards her door I could hear her pulsating scream, a sound of terror as if something awful is happening to her. It's a cry we've learned and a cry we dread. My walking quickly became running and as I opened the door I could see my girl laying on her back, her eyes wide open, palms spread open and her screaming with every jerk of her little body. It's a sight few parents have to witness and a site I wish none ever did. It's a helpless feeling to see your child so scared, terrifed to the core, and there's nothing you can do to take that fear away instantly. She clung to her dad as if her very life depended on it screaming "DADDY!! DADDY!!!" heartbraking.

After the glucogone kit and juice kicked in she started to become her self again, and asked some questions about why she was where she was, and oddly enough... if I saw the bugs coming out of the wall. Bizarre i say. Makes me wonder .... does she actually see things when she's in that state? I can't even pretend to wonder or imagine what it feels like to be that scared and out of your mind, and I hate that my 4 year old daughter can.

The pump has been a blessing, really I do enjoy it. I would be lying if I said I never looked at her with a heavy heart and thought "I wish she didn't have to be hooked up to that machine" It can be a reminder i suppose at a glance that my beautiful, funny, clever, energetic perfect little girl has a few broken pieces. It has however helped I think in finding more patterns in her blood sugar, it has helped her numbers and has been a positive asset to our every day life.

We have much to catch up on, but duty calls, life awaits and laundry is staking. I wanted to drop in and catch up. I do enjoy writing my thoughts, it's therapeutic I suppose.

It's okay mommy..... it's okay

2009-10-19T12:19:00.000-07:00

Last night was Presley site change night. Tyler and I have decided to do it a few hours after dinner, right around bed time, that way food has had time to digest and she'll be resting.. no need to try to guess if the site change worked because we're trying to estimate was food and activity may be doing to her BG.... to us.. it just makes sense. It also gives Presley at least one bath every three days where she doesn't have anything attached to her.

After bath the girls went to their room to pick out PJ's.... once they came in the living room Presley yells to Grace "SMACK MY BUTT!!!" so they started running after one another trying to smack each others bare bums. Watching Presley run, with out any attachments made me feel so happy. Looking at her just running, and playing, not having to worry about the pump, where it was.. if it was falling off,... or having to hold it made me happy for her. She looked so.... free. It was care free play. She had the biggest smile on her face running around the chairs, Tyler looked at me and smiled and said "a few minutes of freedom eh?" It made me want to cry.

Once they got the bum smacking out of their system it was time to calm down and get PJ's on. Once Jammies were on, Tyler and I took Presley to our room to lay her on the bed for her site change... she looked at me and said "you hold my hand the whole time mommy??" of course I was going too. While daddy got ready, Presley got nervous, making a face that I can't quite describe, but a face of worry.... once daddy put the sit next to her skin we started to sing the ABC's to help distract. Once the site was attached she flinched but kept on singing. After the pump was fully hooked up I looked at her laying on the bed and gave her a big hug and kiss.... I said "I'm sorry honey" she grabbed my neck.. gave me a BIG squeeze and started to pat MY shoulder and say "it's okay mommy..... it's okay" The fact that this tiny 3 year old brown eyed girl was comforting ME... did bring a tear to my eye. Then she said "You wanna do a pump too???? DAADDDYY GET MOMMY A PUMP!!!!" which kind of made me giggle when she started yelling for her dad to get me my infusion set, but it also broke my heart. the thought of Tyler attaching one to ME.. totally FREAKED me out. It truly scares me.... it makes my heart beat and I think.... your such a WIMP! Your BABY does this... and your to scared?? It's amazing how much strength a child can have inside their tiny frames. I am so in love with this child, and amazed by her strength every day.

Special Hank

2009-10-14T06:58:00.000-07:00

After a terrible time changing Presley's site,and during her 2nd site change within two hours she was so upset and crying, I went to get her Special Hank to help her calm down. She snuggled her "Special Hank"till she calmed down, and after her tears were dry she asked to put a pump on Special Hank... and well, there was NO way i was going to tell her No, so we hooked him up. She said "YEA!!! MOMMY!! NOW HANK IS DIABETES JUST LIKE ME!!

CAN YOU HEAR ME??

2009-10-14T06:38:00.000-07:00

I was reading about diabetes because well.... YES I AM OBSESSED!! and I found this statistic/fact that made me a bit sad.

Did you know, that an estimated 3 out of 5 Americans with diabetes, have one or more complications associated with diabetes? And over time, high blood sugar can cause damage to virtually EVERY ORGAN SYSTEM of the body… this includes

Central nervous System
Vision
Cardiovascular
Kidney’s
Skin
Sexual
Teeth and gums
Musculosketeal

I would be lying if I said I thought of all these awful facts when I thought of Presley's future, but I would also be lying if I said i NEVER thought of them... because I do. I've heard somebody say once, that the side effects of diabetes start to show 20 years after diagnoses.. if that's true... she'll be....21 going on 22? Just entering her young adult life, and I wonder will she have to be worrying about her eye site or worse? I know many people tell me "but the control has gotten so much better, science has gotten so much better...." yes that's true... but when was the last time your blood sugar or my blood sugar was over 300?? Her's was... this morning, and it has been every morning around 9:30 for about a week. I understand people don't understand what it's like to live with a child with diabetes, and actually.. I'm grateful they don't have to. But on the other hand it's so frustrating being a mother, with a child, who is sick...who may look healthy, which maybe is why people are so easily dismissible to her disease.. but don't be fooled by her beautiful smile, and infection laugh, she is a sick little girl. If we didn't do what we do every day, trying to ensure that her future will be a healthy one... that her life now is a healthy one, if we stopped doing that for her.. she would die. It's hard being a mother looking at people, talking to people and wanting to yell CAN YOU HEAR WHAT I'M SAYING!!!! I feel angry when I feel like she's dismissible, like her disease isn't important because she looks healthy, because people associate diabetes with obesity and the elderly. But my three year old is not old, and she is not obese, she did NOTHING to herself to cause this, and there is NOTHING she can do to stop it. Do not dismiss her, or her life. Do not dismiss what she goes through every day. Even I don't KNOW what it feels like to go through what SHE goes through. She is so much braver than me, probably than a lot of us.

Presley about a week after diagnoses.

Presley 7 months after diagnoses

Presley, one year after diagnoses Presley.... two years after diagnoses.

If you want to help US IN OUR FIGHT to help HER in her life visit my walk page, where you can donate or join our team and do some fundraising of your own. I believe one of my life missions is to give Diabetes the attention it so deserves in our country. So people can better understand the dangers of Diabetes and learn that it effects so many children. Can you help me with that? I'm tired of being dismissed.

Mid morning blues..

2009-10-10T10:31:00.001-07:00

Once again, Presley's numbers are outrageous. Right now we're dealing with mid morning highs. After breakfast, even with a good night of numbers about 2 hours after she eats her BG is in the high 300's or 300's. I thought.. well, maybe your giving her stuff she just can't handle. One morning she had french Toast.. with 1 tablespoon of Powdered Sugar.. and no syrup, and one morning she had an egg sandwich on one of these GREAT buns from Costco with only 17 carbs (pretty standard for a piece of bread) So I thought to myself.... do a basel challenge.. no carb breakfast and see what happens. So she had an egg with some cheese and yup around 9:30 she was 389!! It's so frustrating. This morning the girls wanted pancakes. I was on the fence with the idea, but i gave in and made them some, She had 2 pancakes for 40 carbs, a tablespoon of powdered sugar for 7 carbs and 1 tablespoon of syrup for 15 carbs. I EVEN added 1 unit on top of what was needed just to cover for the morning high.. and yup she's 300.... it's so depressing. Do I give her a shot? or see what happens? Once I gave her a shot and she ended up dropping down to 46, then yesterday when i corrected it didn't really do that much. I'm really growing tired of checking her mid morning and getting the blues, and second guessing what I should do. Something has to give.

Honey bunches of WHHAAAAA....

2009-10-07T06:49:00.000-07:00

I'm still relatively new to the life time of diabetes, but I'm thinking some people just can't eat SOME food. I mean, it seems like every time Presley gets a bolus for Honey Bunches of Oats I end up saying "WWHHHHAAAAAAAA????" because of an OUTRAGEOUSLY high number. I told my husband.. "i just don't think she can eat that stuff"

I mean, are there things out there you can't eat because of your diabetes? or somebody you love can't eat because of there's? I'm just curious. It makes me kind of bumbed out to be honest, cereal is SO easy. I guess I could try Cheerios..... regular Cheerios, but blah, those are so.. blah!

Still ironing out the kinks.

2009-10-07T06:40:00.000-07:00

Latest pump update??? I hate it.... I'm not giving up, I remember the words my DR said before we started "you will hate the pump, it's a hard start, you will want to quite, you will cry and you will want to give up... but I promise you, once we work threw the kinks you'll LOVE it!" So I'm holding on and waiting for the kinks to be worked out.

I really wish the kinks weren't being ironed out while she's sick, which just adds to the pressure and bad numbers. We had her first site change malfunction on Saturday. It was terrible, decent numbers on Saturday before the site change, decent not great.. but workable. Then a few hours after lunch and her site change her BG was 280 so we gave her a bolus to correct. An hour later we went to dinner and her BG was 385, WOW! I gave her 3 units injection for food and one for good measure pretty much because I couldn't explain the jump. at bed time she was in the high 200's at midnight, again the high 200 so I gave another bolus, at 3AM she was in the high 300, so another unit injection. Sunday morning she was 179 and had toast and an egg for breakfast with milk. Two hours after her breakfast she's cranky saying her head hurts, check her BG and she's "HI" eeeek, 3 units injection and a site change to come. The site was all screwed up, bent and obviously not working.

There's no pattern right now, and I need to write her DR to get some direction. But we're still hanging and working threw the kinks. Tyler is ready to throw in the towel. He hates the numbers as much as I do but he's not repeating what the Dr has said over and over again like I am. I have to... or I couldn't justify doing this to her tiny body. It will get better..... it WILL get better.

The pump so far

2009-10-01T09:21:00.001-07:00

It's been a while since I've updated how things are really going with this whole new pump thing, and honestly.. it's hard. I CAN see the potential and how it will give us a better management and how it may even allow me to sleep a little better. Which really, thinking more sleep may be on the horizon seems to be a far cry from what we're doing now, checking her BG every 3 hours threw the night included. I take the 12AM shift and my husband takes the 3AM shift, it seems to be working, but i AM tired. But I also tend to think that, that's just part of being a diabetes parent.. your always tired. Only other parents with children with Type 1 can understand that.

On our actual start date, things were okay. It was over whelming learning EVERYTHING, how to set basel rates, how to challenge the basel rates with zero carbs (which really... is hard in a toddler) how to adjust the basel rates bassed on the basel challenge, how to deside on a NEW way of correcting, and letting things ride. I got so use to shots, I knew when I could correct, and when I couldn't, I knew what the injections would do (well.... sometimes) But the pump is SO new, I'm not sure whats going to happen threw out the day, or night. The pump it'self is AMAZING.. the technology that it has blows my mind. It has so many features and fancy things it can do, I can't even try to know it all yet, and I don't want to. I need to get the basics down then maybe.. just maybe move on into some of the extra things it can do to help manage her BG.

Presley is handling the pump ooookay. She DOESN'T love it. She asks when she can take it off, and cried at her last site change. It breaks my heart to see her wearing it. I mean, perhaps i'm dramatic... and I know a few people who would agree with that. BUT injections were more private, if you were walking around a store, or playing at a playground, nobody knew my daughter had diabetes (until I checked her BG or gave her a shot when out to lunch) It was something we knew, she knew and people may or may not learn. But with the pump it's right there, on the outside of her tiny body. A machine, with tubing going under her little shirt, something that shows there's something going on with this little girl, and perhaps it's just me. Perhaps it's me who is MORE aware of the machine hanging off her pants, I am her mother, I'm sensitive to the fact that my 3 year old daughter HAS to wear something like this to remain healthy, to stay alive... so maybe others don't notice it like I do, and maybe I wont for that long. Maybe once the nostalgia of the pump wears off I'll hardly notice it. But it does get in the way of her doing stuff like.... going to the bathroom. She won't go to the bathroom alone anymore because she's afraid of dropping the pump or it getting in her way. She has dropped in more times than I would like to reflect on because well..... it's expensive. She did tell me the other night "mommy.... when you take the pump off?" I respond "ohh honey, it doesn't come off, isn't it nicer than shots?" her reply "no.. me like shots more better" then she rolled over to go to sleep. I can't lie and say that didn't break my heart, but I know, in the end it will be better for her, and i know it will give us such great management SHE'LL feel better and love it.

Pump Day Pictures..

2009-10-01T09:03:00.000-07:00

Presley being all ears to what Sandra had to say
She is SO unbelievably brave

Sandra trying to help me not be so nervous

She gave me a thumbs up because I gave her one. I don't think she really felt thumbs up

She actually was a little concerned I think, and could have cried had we fed into that

Oh what I would give to make her reality different

Our WONDERFUL Dr.

First night sleeping with the pump.

Infusion site peaking out of her diaper.

This was our first site change at home. It was early, and she didn't want to do it. Her crying as soon as we layed her down and lifted her shirt broke my heart.

The pump is here...

2009-09-19T00:24:00.001-07:00

We got Presley's new one touch ping in PINK in the mail today. It was emotional for me, i didn't cry.. because she was watching me. I smiled and was excited for her. But on the inside.... i feel numb. I'm not excited, i'm not scared, i'm totally numb. I think i'm SO scared and SO stressed, I can't even feel it. Or maybe.. i still don't believe it.

Presley is so amazing, her strength is inspiring to me. I look at this three year old girl, with big brown eyes a bright smile living with diabetes for more than half of her small little life so far, and she couldn't seem bothered. She's only said two things of concern when it comes to the pump....

1. "will it make me bweed mommy??"
and
2. " it hurt me mommy?"

But I have so many questions and worries in my mind i can hardly gather them all. I can barley sort them out. For example.. she's starting gymnastics on Monday (she'll probably be missing that one) and I think
"where is the pump going to go? do i take it off? i'm not sure how to do what needs to be done to remove and put on.... do i have a pocket put in her gymnastics outfits? if so where" I'm worrying about things.. that I don't NEED to worry about. I'm frustrated at other people reaction to the pump.. i'm tired of "oh well that's great!! so she won't be getting pricked anymore!!" or "well that will just make it so much easier!" I dunno.... I know a lot of pumpers say it IS easier.. "it's freeing".. i think I've heard somebody say before, but to me... somebody who isn't familiar with the pump and who still gets invaded by negative thought when it come to diabetes I think... "YES.. she will get pricked.. every time we check her BG and every time we change the infusion site... and NO it's not "EASIER" we still have to check her BG, we still have to count carbs we still need to calculate how much insulin to give for the carbs, and she will be attached to this device EVERYDAY.. for the rest of her life.. how is that easy? I'm not looking for easier i'm looking for better control, a tighter control.. not easier, to me there is NOTHING easy about diabetes"

I'm emotional, with the pump starting, and the unknowing down the road. I'm angry ONCE again at the lack of response I've received over our walk. It's SO INCREDIBLY frustrating to live with this and have people dismiss it like it's no big deal. I'm really, increasingly tired of that.

It's happening...

2009-09-11T22:04:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's going to actually happen, my baby IS getting her pump. I'm so shocked still, that I have emotions but none are really stronger than the other, which leaves me a little confused.... how do i fell? Excited? Scared? nervous? totally FREAKING OUT! Pretty much all of the above. The emotions I was feeling when the pump was maybe not a possibility made me feel hopeless. Now that it is a possibility, and not only a possibility but a reality, makes me feel..... lost. I can't really describe it better than that. I'm not sure if I'm happy, or scared. I'm numb i guess, numb because I still can't believe that it's being covered 100%. But I heard it AGAIN with my own two ears. From member services with Aetna. Our 25.00 co pay has been paid, and we ordered the One Touch Ping in PINK (of course) I'll be calling her Dr on Monday to schedule Pump Day. Maybe that will make it more real, maybe once I have the pump in my hot little hands it will make it a reality, and maybe then I'll jump and cry for joy.

It's a big step to take in diabetes management. Especially when the one the pump is for is only a 3 year old little girl. I am nervous that she won't like it, I'm scared that it will hurt, that she'll cry. I'm afraid she'll pull it out. I know she doesn't understand exactly what a pump means, she knows it means no more shots, but she doesn't understand that the trade off is being hooked up to a machine 24/7. It will be interesting to see how she responds, and how this new chapter in her life works out. It will be okay.... I just keep repeating that....it will be okay, and It will.... I KNOW it will.

Get Goin!

2009-09-10T14:44:00.001-07:00

If you drive a car, that has one of these symbols.....

Don't take off from a stop light doing 10 miles per hour. It's so irritating. I see a nice car like this and I think they are a sure bet... THEY are going to be faster than the 1995 Nissan in the other lane, So i side with the you Mr.luxury car driver.. then as we get passed up by the 1995 Nissan i just cringe.... grrrr it makes me so mad.

I'm not saying you should brake the law and drive fast.. but common, your car has some get up. so lets get going!

BUT... if your diving a care like this....

Drive as slowly as you want so I may drool

Kindergarten and sleep deprivation

2009-08-19T08:35:00.000-07:00

Grace starts kindergarten in exactly 5 days.. HOLY CRAP.. FIVE days! I can't believe my tiny baby born at 6:30 pm on May 17 2004 is going to be taking her first real world step. A client of mine.. said "well, not really real world.. maybe a half step into the real world" But common.. she's in the SYSTEM! That's big, plus it's everyday! No two or three days a week anymore, EVERY FREAKIN day! I don't know how I'm going to do it. In fact i started to panic at work last night thinking about how in the hell I'm going to manage my health, Presley's health and getting Grace to school on time. I mean do you all realize that I stay up late to watch Presley's BG, and many nights I wake up at 2am to check her BG again.. so how am i suppose to muster up the strength to be up, exercised, and ready to take the kid to school by 8:15. I"m really nervous about this. In my head it's perfect.. set my alarm for 6 get up, work out, shower, then wake up the girls and get them ready. Sounds good enough..... but if I go to bed at 11 then get up at 2 that's 3 hours of sleep, then from 2 to 6 is 4 hours of sleep.. so all in all 7 hours ain't bad BUT.. it's interrupted sleep, which.... common, just isn't the same, it's not as restful as 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep. But i suppose it will have to become my new routine, or perhaps i could do what my mom said to do, bed at 9 up at 11 then again at 2. But i suppose because diabetes is SO unpredictable trying to know how I'll have a sleeping schedule around it is impossible. It will probably be as unpredictable too. I'm sure some nights will go according to plan and others... won't. Time will tell how I'm going to adjust to kindergarten but i know she'll adjust just fine.... here's some pictures of her new back to school clothes.. all picked out by HER....

She got all dresses and skirts, NO pants!
this is her favorite one
But she's wearing this on the first day, go figure
I like this one a lot. so cute
I will say, i was SO scared about kindergarten, I was scared how kids would treat her, if she'll make good friends, if somebody will pick on her or be mean. All the normal things parents worry about when sending their child out into the REAL WORLD.. haha, but after seeing her yesterday in the classroom to meet her teacher, I'm just REALLY REALLY excited. She is going to have a blast! I'm sure she'll have kids that won't play with her, and it may or may not bother her. But I'm excited that she'll be in a new school, learning lots of great things and making tons of new friends. I just hope I can wake up in time to get her there... hahah!

Do as I say.. not as I do

2009-08-19T08:27:00.000-07:00

This is the PERFECT example of Do as I say not as I do. I mean forget about your boss who tells you not to make personal phone calls at work while sitting in your tiny cubicle, even tho you know she just got off the phone with her husband about what's for dinner. Forget about that.. your boss can't pull you over and give you a ticket that will cost you actual money for doing the same thing he was doing right before he pulled you over. I wonder how many cops are on the phone then say "oh wait.. I gotta call you back... I'm pulling over an ass on a cell phone.. "

A fresh start.

2009-07-28T07:50:00.000-07:00

I've been neglecting my Blog lately. It's not from lack of things to say, but time rather. The same story I told you all before. But the thing is, I find time for facebook, and my twitter.. so i must make time for this. Because it IS therapy for me. I love writing, trying to be creative, and expressing my feelings. I've always said I'm an open book, if you wanna know something about me... just ask! and i will tell.

Presley's 2 year diagnoses date came and went. I was feeling a little down before, but never made the connection. Until that day... i was sitting in my dining room and I thought.. "my god.. today's the day, today is D day" It was a good thing I had invited family over for a BBQ or it may have really brought me down. But having family around made it easier, it made it less prevalent.. which was a good thing. Her 1 year diagnoses date was extremely hard on me. Also in the diabetes world, we're working on getting her an insulin pump. What a headache that is turning out to be. Insurance can't make anything easy, or cut and dry, black and white.. there is to much grey with an insurance company, to many loop holes. How much better would it be for everybody if it just is what it is, black and white, no room for confusion. Know "huh?"" But i need to make some phone calls and do some research on Animas and Medtronic to see which we prefer.

The girls and I took a trip to Michigan this summer, we were gone for 3 weeks. It was extremely hard on me. I did enjoy it and I had a good time seeing family, but especially my grandparents. But Presley's blood sugar was TERRIBLE pretty much the whole time we were gone. She was extremely high. There would be moments of hope with a nice number thrown in there some place, but for the most part she was in the steady 200 and 300's. It made me want to pack my bag and run home as fast as I could. It was hard for me to except that, that just may be the way it is. That in order for her to have some extra fun free time, time where she can just be with her cousins, have a smore every once in a while, maybe an Ice Cream from the local ice cream joint with her cousins.... she's going to run high. But what kind of trade is that? For some normality, for some extra fun with family, your body is going to have to pay a price? Doesn't seem fair does it? I try NOT to be dramatic but that's what I thought. I thought..... is that the trade? Fun for bad numbers? Believe you me, i did everything I could to try to curve the average. I even upped her insulin ON MY OWN (which i never do) to no prevail. But we're home and things seem to be evening out.

I missed my blog, and all my faithful followers hahaha.. are you still out there? But I do have much to get done before work today! remember.. I was gone for 3 weeks and now it's time to catch up on all the things my husband would always ask "what did you do all day?" The things that you didn't do while I was gone because, well they are always done. That's what I do all day. Nice to be back!

Horse back riding

2009-06-01T13:24:00.000-07:00

Grace's field trip has come and gone, and in true Gretchen form it didn't go perfect. IN FACT i learned i have a slight fear of horses. I know, I know, a horse you might say, but let me tell you, those are some BIG, strong, and powerful animals. They are only being led or controlled because they choose to be, and I know!

It started with us meeting at the school. Where Presley had to go potty so we ran to the bathroom and I thought it would be a good idea if EVERYBODY went potty just to be safe. So we did but as we were in there I could hear... nothing, and before there was A LOT of talking. We head back to the lobby and one of the mom's says "they are getting ready to leave" So the girls and I RUN outside and jump in the car as all the cars start to pull away. We make it in time and become part of a 12 car caravan.

Once we went threw the military check we drove the short distance to the stables. Both of my girls were SO excited at this point they could hardly wait long enough to jump out of the car and down toward the horses. Once we were at the stables and we were all given instructions on how to handle the horses they started to bring them out. People could ride solo, or double up and take the short 10 min walk on the pony trail. Each child would be accompanied by their parent who, would handle the horse and lead them in the proper direction.

Of course my girls rode together and we ended up getting a BIG MIGHTY horse named Joan. Once they were on Joan we headed for our pony trail. Not even 10 steps into the walk Joan stopped. The horse handler instructed me on how to make her go and she did.. so things were looking good. The girls were REALLY high up and I was a little afraid that the two of them didn't fit so well on this horse. But we headed on our way. Once we rounded the first corner, the first corner where i could see NOBODY from our group, the only people i could see were just down below where there were some private horse back riding lessons going on, Joan stopped. I stood there and pulled on her rope as instructed.. leaning into it to try to get her moving. Joan however didn't like this and pulled her head back with some gusto and neighed at me.... okay, okay I thought... She obviously didn't like that. So we stopped. Which did give me time to take a picture of the girls on Joan.

As we stood there doing nothing, waiting and hoping for somebody to come by I tried a few other times to pull on joans rope, but just like before she wasn't having any of it, and I could feel her looking at me with hate in her eyes. I had an awful fear that she would buck the girls off of her or kick me. So I just kinda let her do her own thing. After about 10 min of doing nothing I decided it was time to inturupt the horse back riding lesson. I felt bad, but really.. how long could I wait. So I yelled down for help.. "HELP.. THIS HORSE WONT MOVE" The instructor looked up and said "ohh Joan..." what? what? you can tell who she is just because of her attitude.. good lord why did they give ME this horse.The instructor sent up a gal who wasn't riding a horse but HAS ridden them before and was the parent to one of the students she was teaching. She told me to move the rope back and forth and she patted Joan on the bum while making that clicking sound with her mouth. FINALLY Joan moved, and we were on our way again.

After about 20 feet Joan stopped again, I swayed her rop back and forth like instructed and it worked!! VICTORY!!! So we continuned on our way. I wasn't sure if I should talk to Joan or just keep quiet. I was told already to NOT make eye contact so as hard as it was, I risisted looking the very teprimental horse in the face. Once we were at the highest point of our trail, higher than I could yell for help Joan stopped again. GREAT! there I stood like a sitting duck, a few times I tried the swaying the rope back and forth till she did start going but she turned right at me and started towards the cliff.. GOOD GOD! I pushed her and said "NO!" So she just stopped again and looked at me with a twinkle in her eye. I decied to just hang out, to just wait for help to arrive because lets face it, EVENTUALLY somebody would notice we were still gone. But the whole time we sate there waiting I was hoping and praying that this horse didn't get so pissed that she would decide to take off with my kids towards the road or down the trail knocking them both off her back and unconsouse. But because we stoped I had another oppertunity to take another picture.

Finally the nice lady who helped me before and another young man came running up this hill to my rescue. The women instructed the young man how to keep Joan going and he accompanied me the rest of the way back to the stables. In our conversation he addmites that he is actually VERY scared of horses but that he only came to watch his friend during her lessons. Great I thought.. two people who are scared, Joan probably knows that. Once back at the stables i told the guy who gave us Joan how testy she was and he ended up putting her away and bringing out Harry who I guess was just WONDERFUL.

WE survived!!

Once the girls each rode together, Grace wanted to go alone. So another mom took her on another trip around the pony trail and Presley and I doubled up with Lola and her mommy for one last trip. I will say it was WAY funner for ME having another mom to talk to and a lot less scary with a horse that wasn't as big as Ms.Joan. Velvet was a wonderful old gal, she is 30 years old and I could see over her body, which made her less attemidating. Presley wasn't as high up and Velvet just didn't seem as mighty. Although I'm sure, if she wanted she could have been.

Presley on Velvet

Velvet, Presley and mommy

Doesn't she TINY here?

Grace and Velvet

with mommy too!!

The whole darn group of them!

After everybody got to ride the horses they had the chance to feed them. Boy oh boy did the girls LOVE that. I think it made them a littler nervous, but I can't blame them. When Grace first dropped her carrot I said "No Grace you have to hold it for them" So I picked it up and held it for a horse who I thought was EXTRA gummy, he moved so fast that I even screamed and dropped the carrot. Grace looks at me and I said "oh well.. it's okay, he'll get it"

One of the horses had this heart on her and I thought it was SO cool. Then one of the dads told me that she was branded and once they are branded their hair grows back white. I guess i felt bad for her that she was burned with a heart shape, but I think if your going to be branded this is a pretty cute one (it beats a number). Plus how many awful things happen to us when we're young that we don't remember? So I pretend this brand happend a LONG time ago, when she was just a baby and she doesn't remember a thing.

I thought about getting the girls horse back riding lessons after this, since they just LOVED it. But WOWZA it's expensive. Oh well, once a year with a school field trip is good for me.

Just a note.. the world does not stop for you.

2009-06-01T13:12:00.000-07:00

I took the girls to subway today for lunch, and while we were sitting there eating a man walked in and started to order a sandwich. In the middle of his order he told the young man making his lunch to "hold on" then he proceeded to talk on his cell phone. Not only was he being rude to the man making his sandwich he was being rude to the line building up behind him. While he sat there on his phone with everybody waited... I shook my head in disgust and thought "what's wrong with people"

It's like techknowlagy has made us so rude and oblivious to other people around us. Did this man think that HE or his phone call was more important than the group of people standing there, or the young man that was waiting to make his sandwich. What ever happened to manners and being polite to people. Was that phone call SO important the it couldn't wait? NO it wasn't.... i heard him say "did you hang up on me or did I hang up on you??" WHAT?? WHAT?? seriously? Hang up the phone ass and get your order finished, then make your phone call. It seems like such a simple concept, one that even a child wouldn't need to be taught.

People thinking the world revolving around them doesn't have to be because of a cell phone. The other day I was driving down the road when the car in front of me practically STOPPED while looking at street signs.. SERIOUSLY?? Did this guy think that everybody around him, the cars behind him were less important than him missing his turn. It was the most aggravating thing!! Not to mention dangerous.

I wish people would just take time to think about those around them and how their actions at any given moment may effect others. Is that so hard?

Ms. Fill your name in here

2009-05-29T12:23:00.000-07:00

Do you have your children refer to other adults with the added MS or MR? Like Ms. Gretchen?

I don't, but I as wondering why some parents do, and why other parents don't. Personally I don't. I think the added MR or MS is a sign of authority, and for me... my friends don't have any authority over my child. They are our friends. But is that disrespectful? Is it just how one is raised?

Do you think parents that DO have their children refer to others with MR or MS are offended when I don't have my child refer to them in the same manor?

Is it crossing a line to say to somebody else's child who just referred to you as MR.Whoever or Ms.Whoever to just call you by your first name? Is that not allowed? I mean if somebody called you a name you didn't like you would tell them so, so why not tell a child to not call you Ms.Gretchen if you really don't like it??

Field trip..

2009-05-29T08:43:00.000-07:00

The kids and i ready to go on Grace field trip to Camp Pendalton (hmm I have NO idea how to spell that) so then kids can ride horses. I must say I'm not excited but hopefully it will be fun.. pictures to come! Yippy for field trips!!!

Enjoy your kids while they are still little.

2009-05-28T14:06:00.000-07:00

"Enjoy your kids while they are still little." People say this constantly while you have small children, and I even find myself saying it to other parents who have children younger than mine. But I wonder if people ever actually take that advise. I think we all have moments where we look at our children and just adore them. Moments when we actually take them all in, and everything they give to US. But what does that mean..."Enjoy them while they are still little?" I'm not sure I really understand that. How do I enjoy them? What counts as enjoying them? They make me smile, they make me laugh and every once in a while I'll play with them. But does that mean I'm enjoying them enough?

When I'm doing the dishes, switching around or folding laundry, picking up the house or making dinner.. I'm not enjoying them. Actually.. during those times they tend to be rather annoying. I find myself telling them to "GO AWAY! Go play.. leave me alone while I finish this." After moments of shewing them I feel guilty. That isn't enjoying them while they are little. So.... it poses the question, how do i FULLY enjoy them? Do i sit on the floor and play barbie with them, do I play kitty cat? (one of Grace FAVORITE games.. which to this day I just have a hard time getting into) Do I set up a craft and sit with them while THEY do the craft.. because I got to be honest with you, I'm not much of a craft mom. I hate glue, glitter, cutting paper, paint, or anything that would require glue like cotton balls. For me, a fun craft is paper and crayons AND if I'm feeling crazy stickers. Does this mean I'm not enjoying my children? Does this mean I'm going to have regret when they are older? Sometimes I think it does. I look at pictures of them when they were smaller and i almost ache for those moments again, those precious little moments when they were so small. I think "where has the time gone?" So it's a constant back and forth of "Stop buggin me" to wanting to hold on to where they are now, because I know in 2 short years I'll look back and think "where did the time go?"

I try not to beat my self up over it. But from time to time it gets to me.. how will my children remember me? How do they perceive me now? Do they think I'm a good mom who spends enough time with them? Or am I a mom who shews them more often and spends to much time on the Internet? I guess time will only tell, but I don't know how my kids went from

THIS... (6 months and 2 years old)

TO THIS...(5 and 3) sitting in BIG kid car seats which require using the seat BELT! No long in a harness car seat. That BLOWS my mind and freaks my freak!

I think maybe the balance isn't perfect, I think maybe the balance is to vague to actually see, not clear cut. It's a true balancing act of daily life, managing the kids, the house, if you work your job, your spouse and yourself all while Enjoying them while they are still little. Sometimes it's all just so over whelming, but in those moments I think we just need to step back and count our blessings because as all of us mom's know..... how blessed we are can sometimes get lost in life, and it's good to come back and find that every once in a while.

Just a simple trip to Kohl's

2009-05-26T23:19:00.000-07:00

Today I was really excited to go to Kohl's and spend some Kohl's cash my mom gave me which she received from buying a birthday present for me from my girls. I was also going to look into exchanging the bathing suit the girls picked out for me, because it wasn't very me... it was such a mom suit. Big purple flowers with a side knot. It was sweet that the girls picked it out, but.. yea, I for sure didn't want to wear it in public.

I was excited to go, and got the girls ready. I packed the diabetes supplies, had my bathing suit, bathing suit cover and receipt ready to hit the store. The girls were excited to ride in their new BIG girl car seats (blog to come) and to be honest.. I was a little excited to see them sitting in their new seats as well. So we hopped in the car, buckled up, turned up our PINK CD and started rocking our way to Kohl's.

Once there I grabbed my stuff for exchange from the trunk and headed in. If you've never been to Kohl's they have little shopping carts, or shopping bags if you will... they are on wheels but it's more of a bag than a cart, and a few of them have seats for children. I was scanning the rows of shopping carts for one that had seats for two. While i was looking Presley was so excited she jumped into the first one available. I finally spotted seats for two and went to push the other carts out of my way so I could mussel this ONE out. While I'm doing this Presley starts whining and crying about how she wants to sit down... as I'm musseling the cart I want from the row I'm trying to explain to her that she WILL get to sit down, but she has to sit in this one stupid cart that i need so I can contain BOTH children. Because she was busy making a fuss, and was drawing attention to us is why I'm SURE the cart that I needed caught onto every other cart on the way out which just prolonged my torture of trying to get the cart and trying to get Presley to shush up. FINALLY Victory was mine and the blessed seats for two was free. They both rushed and pushed each other to get the front seat, to which I knew was going to be a loosing battle. It didn't matter WHICH kid was going to get the front seat because the other was surly going to make my life miserable. So I thought who would make the least amount of noise.. and that was Grace.. So unfortunately for her she was in the back. I placed both kids in their seats, my purse, the diabetes bag and my return in the cart.

As I'm walking towards the clothing section Grace is kicking the bottom of the cart, and pouting about how SHE wanted the front seat. "Yea yea" I think. As we get to the clothes Grace started to pull on the racks of clothes to make it very clear that she wasn't happy. I finally parked the cart and started going threw clearance racks. By this time Grace was being impossible and I told Presley that threw out this trip they would be taking turns up front. As I'm sifting and searching for the latest bargains and kind of wondering where the bathing suits were, the girls were being them self's.. talking none stop, asking a million questions, and touching everything they could reach. Finally I thought "Okay, Gretchen... find the bathing suits and wrap this trip up" So we go searching for the suits which we eventually found and yuck! there was NOTHING that even remotely looked like something I would want to wear, and at this point Presley had been saying for about 10 min that she "has to go potty" (and really.. when a 3 year old Diabetic has to go potty.. you SHOULD listen) So I think to myself... your not in bathing suit condition anyways, your thighs are awful, your stomach is a mess and bathing suit shopping is not my idea of a good time. SO I thought... return the suit, get store credit, and buy some clothes and maybe even jewelry! (Yes jewelry is a MAJOR luxury, i don't so much as buy a bra for myself but once a year so the thought of spending money on fashion jewelry never crosses my mind.. but I do love it so what the hell!)

I go to customer service and park my cart right by the family Bathroom door, I tell Grace to stand right at the cart and then I open the door for Presley to go into the bathroom and go potty. She walks in and I shut the door (it's a single bathroom, only one door no stall) I look at Grace and tell her stay right there, then I peek in at Presley and she's walking around the bathroom with her skirt and panties around her ankles saying "I can't do it" OYE! A quick glance at Grace with a firm "Don't move and don't talk to anybody" I go into the bathroom assist the little one then help her wash her hands. Now we're out the door and returning the awful suit they picked out for me. As I waited to have my transaction completed the girls started to get drinks from the drinking fountain. Now Presley doesn't quite get the idea of a drinking fountain, so she just stands there with her tounge out letting water drip down the front of her. So after about 1 min she was totally soaked and looking at me saying "mommy.. I all wet!" Whatever, I was SO STOKED to hear that I got a store credit of 55 dollars and some change PLUS I got to keep my Kohl's cash. 70.00 to spend on ME!!! I didn't even care she was all wet "See.. you need to CLOSE your mouth not just stand there, that's what happens"

We turn to walk back to clothes and the girls start hugging EVERY manikan we passed saying "oh mommy!!" Followed with a big hug. It was cute at first but after about the 5th manikan it wasn't cute anymore.. it was annoying "Get back in the cart!" Once they were wrangled back into a manageable position I went back to clothing to look for some new tops. After some rummaging the girls both start with "this is boring... it's taking to long.. I'm hungry" over, and over again. I promise them we're almost done,and if they are good I'll take them to Chick Fil A for lunch. On our way to fashion jewelry the cart jams up and Grace screams. I walk to the front of the cart where she starts crying that she hurt her ankle. "well, that's what happens when you drag your feet in the front of the cart.. your suppose to keep them up, not drag them while it's being pushed" after a little comfort I tell her to basically get over it. We look at fashion jewelry for a little while when I decide on cute pair of rose earrings and a stunning necklace. Finally.. we can go.

We get to check out and put all my great buys on the cashiers table. I grab two books for each of the girls and start ringing it all up. Unfortunately the stunning necklace i just loved rang up at 27.00 WHAT!!! for a necklace..?? like I said, Jewelry is a SPECIAL thing, and there was no way in hell i was going to pay that for a necklace. But on a more exciting note, I found a great shirt/blouse that had a price tag of 54.00, i knew I wasn't going to pay that much for it but I was unsure how much it really was... (drum roll please) 5.40 WHAT A BARGIN! After being very pleased with myself and the 5 shirts, earrings, and jacket i bought for myself we were off to Chik Fil A.

Taking the kids to a fast food joint is never easy, and I wonder why i ever do it to myself. Once we ordered our food we went to find a seat which in itself is a task. Kids can never just move forward, they have to pause, look sideways, upside down, and all around. I'm trying to get them moving in a direction without bumping into somebody or helping me spill the food. Once seated Presley spills her soda.. great...I go get napkins to pick up the spill, check her blood sugar then open their chicken, and pour out their fries for them. Once their food was served they both requested Ranch, so up again i go to get ranch. When i get back with their beloved sauce Grace is mangling the box her chicken is in and drops one of her chicken on the floor "oops, i lost some chicken..." umm "oh well.." I don't understand why they can't just sit, and eat, why they insist on making it the most difficult function ever. Once i give Presley her shot and make sure nobody needs anything else I finally get to enjoy my lunch as well.....finally peace...well, for at least the next 5min.

I watched a Oprah that has been on my DVR for weeks now the other night and it made me laugh, it was about the secret life's of mom's. With true mom confessions and just a group of mom's talking about how hard it is. I laughed because I felt like this day was a perfect example of that. Can you imagine if I didn't have kids. I would have just gone to Kohl's, gone threw the clearance racks, tried clothes on with out so much of a single incident. There would have been no blog to write. No story to tell. Just.... went to Kohl's. Got some great stuff and THE END. No hurt ankle, no whining about who is in front, no mommy manikans, no potty emergency just... quite.

Uh OH!!

2009-05-23T22:44:00.001-07:00

I've lost my camera!!! hmmmmm

My FIRST EVER crying client (and hopefully my last)

2009-05-23T21:50:00.000-07:00

My birthday has come and gone, just another day really. i took the kids to lunch which.. lets face it, was more of a treat for them, than for me. There is nothing relaxing or anything that screams HAPPY BIRTHDAY like taking a 5 (WOW..5) and 3 year old out to lunch alone. Then later that night I went to work.I was kind of excited to go to work really, see some friends, maybe get some card's, and extra good tips because well, it is my birthday you know. Funny as it was it ended up being one of the WORST nights ever!! I actually MADE.. A.. WOMEN.. CRY!!! yes it true, I Gretchen the most fantastic hair stylist made somebody cry...(that last part.. is me trying to get my self confidence back)

It started with a mediocre consultation, which is where I totally messed up, I take full responsibility for what happened because obviously we didn't talk enough about what her expectations where. I normally am pretty good about being very sure about what I'm getting myself into and knowing the expectations of my client, but for some reason that day.. i just didn't. This women had very long hair, past her shoulders. She came walking in with a Magazine with two pictures of two different hair cuts that she liked. Both were VERY short, one had a longer bang but was short all over, and one had a very short bang but had longer hair at the neckline. I asked her which she liked most, the said the one with the shorter bang BUT she didn't want the short bang, she wanted to leave her bangs very long. (Past her nose side swoopy bangs long). The short bang cut had a mullet look to it as far as I was concerned, it was really short on top, but had longer PIECES on the bottom, the whole bottom wasn't long, but long wispys if you will.

We talked about her part and I explained that in the picture she had not so much a part but her hair was pretty much swooshed to one side (swooshed is a technical term) She said she did want to try to swoop the front like in the photo, but wanted to keep it longer. I parted the swoosh over and sectioned her hair. As I parted her hair she started to breath deeply, I asked if she was okay and if she was sure she wanted to go that short, she insisted she was sure. I cut the length below her neckline so as we shagged it out it would still have that length she was looking for. I took the top portion and cut it short like in the photo and was on my way to what would end in disaster.

As we continued on the with the cut I asked her a question to which she reached behind her head and said "oh my god it's to short!!!" I was shocked because my lord that's what the picture looked like. At second glace i admit, the very corners on the bottom of her neck were probably 1/2 to 1 inch shorter than the picture, but the top wasn't. I apologized profusely and explained how it wasn't a complete disaster, but she went on and on how she picked that picture because of the length on the bottom, how now the whole thing looked like a poof ball. I felt awful but the gal HAD curly hair, so it was going to be a poof ball anyways without product (another thing I should have added to my consultation) adding an extra 1 inch wispy to the neck line isn't going to make the top less poofy, lets be honest here. If you have curly hair and you cut it short, it's not a ware in go.. it's a Put product in your hair THEN go. She at that point was so upset she didn't want me to touch anything else. So she was left with these really long flaps in the front, I explained if we lighted the front a little like the photo and she put some product in her hair scrunched the top and combed threw the bottom with her fingers and pieced it out, it would actually be really cute. She was INSISTENT that i just ruined her hair. She was flattening out the top and combing it back to where it did look awful. I touched her hair and tried to show her that playing with it and trying to not make it perfect was so much cuter, she practically smacked my hand and said "I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT!!" To which I'm thinking "Then why in the @#$! did you want THIS cut" I told her we wouldn't charge her for the cut and how sorry I was. I removed her cape and she just sat there, breathing deep and smacking hair off of her self. I swear she was pretending to smack me.. I just stood there very uncomfortable waiting for her to move on. Then she started to cry and it got even more awkward then she asked for tissue and started to wipe her tears away. All while I'm standing there, just WISHING she would hurry up and go.

Finally she grabbed her stuff, I apologized again and she went on her sad, poofy way. I must admit this REALLY bothered me, I felt SO terrible. I felt bad that she was that unhappy, I felt bad that I didn't consult with her, I should have talked about product, what she was planning on doing to it, what product she was going to use, and to be honest.. I should have been honest in saying i wasn't sure the cut would work for her. Because i wasn't SURE about that. It's weird how one bad experience can make you feel like your really bad at what you do. I by no means think I'm the shit when it comes to hair cutting, but I think I'm pretty good. I have a small group of clients that love me, that refers people to me, some clients even come in just to give me a hug and say hi. But ONE person hating what you did to them, knowing one of two things will happen

1. they will either come back to your salon and NOT ask for you, in fact specifically say "I don't want her"
or
2. go to another salon and complain about how the last stylist butchered them

Beacuse people do that with me a lot, but knowing it is ME they will be talking about really hurt my ego. I'm trying to take it as a learning experience. Nothing more.

I will say this.. i hope i NEVER see her again, and I felt sorry for the guy after her who saw the whole thing.. he said "So how are you doing......" (like, do you know how to cut hair) to which I responded "better than her" HA! Just kidding.. but I did think it.

Birthday Blues.

2009-05-21T14:10:00.000-07:00

I'm having a slight case of the birthday blues. This has NOTHING to do with the number of candles that will be on my cake. Because honestly it's not that many. I'll be turning 28 which... whatever.That's not to say it doesn't freak me out slightly that THIRTY is right around the corner. I mean that's HUGE.. to be out of your 20's and into your 30's that's like major grown up stuff. But it's not the number of candles on the cake but wondering if there will even be cake on my birthday that has be feeling blue.

I LOVE birthdays, i mean really REALLY love birthdays. I always make a BIG deal out of the kids, and my husbands. My mom's whoever, I just love birthdays. But the things is, I don't have anybody to make a BIG deal out of mine. I'm not going to make a big deal out of mine FOR me, it's not the same. I want somebody to make ME feel special. But because I'm married that kinda falls onto the shoulders of my husband, and well... he HATES birthdays. So i never expect much. He asked if I wanted to go to dinner, and it annoyed me. So I told him that I don't want to have anything to do with what happens for MY birthday, that I want to be surprised and be made to feel special. So we'll see, he said we'll do dinner tonight since I work tomorrow. But I've been feeling really down about the under enthusiasm over my birthday. Maybe I'll be surprised, or maybe I just need to realize that the older you get the less celebrated your birthday becomes. Which if it's true, I do not accept. I Love birthdays and if other people don't want to be celebrated then so be it! But I wanted to be celebrated hahahaha.. does that sound entirely self absorbed? Regardless if it does or doesn't it's how I feel, birthdays are special, it was the beginning of US, the beginning of that person and that is amazing to me!

Time Slipping away

2009-05-21T11:05:00.001-07:00

Grace celebrating her 5th birthday was a BIG milestone in our house. I don't think it really hit me until recently. Yes she's 5, Yes she'll be in Kindergarten next year, Yes she's not a toddler anymore she is officially a KID!! But it didn't really BOTHER me till recently. I've been thinking more and more about how those precious years are over. The years where she loves being hugged, and cuddled by mommy. The years where mommy was the best play mate she could think of, those times are slipping away. It may seem dramatic with her only being 5, but this last 5 years went so fast, before I know it she'll be 10 the 16 then 18 and moving to college and leaving us. She'll be a young women. I go emotional last night while watching Castle, and he had to deal with his little girl going to PROM! I got teary eyed think before i know it, it will be Grace getting ready for prom. It's all just happening so fast. She is just more Grown up, like her turning 5 made her say "HEY I'M 5!!" and to her, 5 is so big, that her attitude has changed, she's a little different.
Just last night her dad was cuddling her and she said "Dad, I'm 5.. and 5 year olds don't need that much love" haha i mean it made me laugh, but it also made my heart sink a little. I think it's waking me up to enjoying her more NOW while she is 5, because next year she'll be 6 and 5 will seem so long ago, and I don't want to regret year 5 feeling like I haven't spent enough time to cherish the moments that I can see slipping away.

Grace just a few hours old, this was the first time she opened her eyes.

1st Birthday

2nd Birthday

3rd Birthday

4th Birthday

5th Birthday

Beware of the Dog

2009-05-19T08:36:00.000-07:00

Here are two videos of the girls playing Beware of the Dog. I must admit I knew it would have a reaction similar to this, which is why i got video of the first round, and i didn't bother warning them about what would happen. Presley went first so I think you should watch her video first, then you'll understand Grace's reaction. I laugh so hard watching this and while I was filming I laughed so hard i was crying. Enjoy!!!

Who said only kids can have fun in a Jumper?

2009-05-19T07:48:00.000-07:00

I must admit, i was excited when the party was over because I wanted to test out the jumper. I would never get in the jumper with a house full of people, could you imagine? playing in a jumper and making it collapse? I didn't need any witnesses to which very well could be a very embarrassing moment. BUT much to my surprise once I was in the jumper I didn't bring the house down, it didn't let out a big pop and deflate, so i had fun. I didn't do a lot of jumping.. because well, i think there probably are limits to what the jump house can handle but I did run a little which was just as fun.

while I was in the jumper the dog figured out how to get it. I was a little panicked that he would pop the thing, but I think the plastic is pretty tough. That's not to say I thought it was a good idea, because i didn't It took several times telling him to get out before he realized.. he really needed to stay out.

Me and my girls.

The real fun started when Katie came it. It was so much fun, my best friend myself and our kids all playing together in a jump house. Perfect Kodak moment's I'll tell ya!

I had a GREAT idea to take a photo of us all looking up. Great idea?? YES.. hard as hell?? YES! it was hard to get the right angle, and to have everybody looking. But I like the whole lot of pictures, i think it will make an EXCELLENT scrapbook page!

I think jumpers are a good idea, tyler has a friend who rents a jumper when ever his wife leaves town. hahaha what a typical dad. who know's after seeing how well it entertains the kids, might not be a bad idea.

Wicked Birthday!

2009-05-18T22:39:00.000-07:00

Grace's WICKED birthday has come and gone. This was a really funny party to plan, trying to be creative and come up with idea's to make a birthday theme come true for my daughter, a theme that there is nothing out there to buy, no wicked plates, napkins, decoration's... it all had to come from mine AND my bestie's imagination. I think we did an excellent job. It doesn't hurt that we are obsessed with WICKED and the moment she said she wanted a WICKED birthday we both said "OKAY.. YOU CAN'T CHANGE YOUR MIND!!" Here are some pictures to Grace's WICKED birthday.

The Cake. Of course it had Elphaba on it.
I also made cupcakes and we frosted them green for Elphi and white with Pink sprinkles for Glinda, the reason I did a cake AND cupcakes is because cupcakes are easier for me to count the carbohydrates of for Presley.Left over party favors in green and black M&M's

The party favors were great! I just loved them,.
A broom shaped pen that said "Grace's WICKED Birthday"
and
Bubbles with a rad label that had a picture of Glinda that read
"Well, we can't all come and go by bubble!!"
They were Great, Katie made the labels for those!

This was a great idea that my friend Sarah had mentioned.
A Wizomania puppet shop. Now if you haven't seen the play, you wouldn't understand this.
But believe me.. it makes sense and it's cute! Katie and I made the examples and we had A LOT of fun doing it. We both looked at each other and said "wow this is fun" maybe I should do crafts with the kids more often...???
It was also a BIG hit with the kids, I was shocked! they loved it.

Close up of the cupcakes. i LOVE the little flag's. Katie made these too!

We can throw a good party! Just imagine if money hadn't been an issue. hahaha the things we could have come up with!

and the little girl who was the brains behind the WHOLE thing!

This was our first year having a jumper at a party, and it was the BEST 90 bucks we ever spent. I mean the kids just gravitate to it, once they were in they totally left you alone. It's like a world of entertainment. Fantastic!! I also think it's the cure for diabetes. hahaha, her numbers were AMAZING all day. we were careful at night to not have any repeat episodes from our last jumper experience and it was beautiful.

oh yes, there we are... the parents of the birthday girl

Finally we had cake and opened presents. I will be posting a video later of the girls playing this game.. it was pretty funny.

as much as i love birthday parties, i hate them too. Of course we all know I hate them from a diabetes stand point, but I also hate them from a hostess stand point. I always worry that everybody had fun, that they enjoyed them self's. I hope It wasn't a stand around and wish it was over as soon as possible kind of party. Oh well if it was, I had fun, the girls had fun.. and I guess as long as Grace had a good time it was a success since it was HER DAY!!

Sirens in the night

2009-05-05T08:22:00.000-07:00

It's been so long since I've sat at my computer and written in my blog. I'm not sure why... time just seems to slip by, finding enough time in my day to sit.... think... and write, just hasn't been there lately. I've had a lot to share, and had a lot of opinions to go over but the time.. was never right. Then if the time ever did present it self, all my thoughts and opinions were forgotten, a thing of the past, I couldn't remember what it was i wanted to write about. So here we are starting off fresh. So much has been going on its hard to recap it all. Lets start off with the most recent and horrifying event of them all shall we....

Diabetes

Diabetes hasn't changed, it's up and down, good and bad. It's days where i feel like I've conquered the highest mountains and days when I feel like I've been stepped on and beat by something bigger than me. Aside from a few lows lately she's been good, her numbers have been emailed to her Dr to review why the lows have been happening. (No I'm still not comfortable making changes on my own...it's only been a year and half and i figure I have A LOT to learn in the life time of diabetes before I will feel comfortable making adjustments of my own) But this past Sunday, took Diabetes to a whole new level for my husband and I.

We spent the day at my cousins house for her son's birthday party. I typically hate birthdays anyways. I love the people we celebrate but the complete chaos it creates i do not love. birthday parties throw everything a loop, they take a schedule and brake it, they have food there that normally isn't, activity that normally isn't, excitement that normally isn't. I can hate them, and I can do my best to make sure she's healthy while having a good time, but birthday parties are part of being a kid and she's a kid... so birthday parties will always be welcomed to me, even tho I hate them.. she loves them and really... that is so important to me. But later that night when we got home from the birthday party and sat down for dinner her BG was extremely high. After dinner, and her dinner shot the girls played a bit before settling down for the night in bed. At around 9:47 I hear a blood curdling scream. I jump up from the couch and run in with a juice box in hand, I sit her up and try to give her juice. She was so upset she couldn't even close her mouth to drink, she was arching her back, and screaming. With every scream came a jerking motion, I picked her up and ran to the living room screaming to my husband in bed "I NEED YOUR HELP!!" We both run into the living room, I'm holding Presley trying to get her to drink, after she chokes a bit we both realize that she is in no condition to drink so Tyler goes to get the Glucagon Kit ready. I was sitting there holding my baby, convulsing, staring straight ahead of her, she had an empty look in her eyes, she was Pail, and she was screaming, the most terrified little scream I've ever heard. It sunk my heart into my stomach. Finally Tyler got the glucagon shot ready and put it in her leg. She became very agitated and tried hitting and kicking. Once the shot was given we checked her BG and it was 36. Tyler was holding her at this point and she was still screaming and jerking. We both were so frightened we didn't know what to do, so we called 911.

Calling 911 was a new thing for me. I've never had to do it, it makes you question why your calling.. is it REALLY an emergency, am I over reacting? But it was an emergency and I wasn't over reacting. We were both scared, she was lost and we weren't sure how she was doing. How long is the jerking and convulsions normal for after a low before we should call 911?? Once the call had been made, Tyler walked back and forth with Presley, I went outside to look for the help that was on it's way. As I stood there waiting, i could hear the sirens in the distance. I could hear help coming. It brought tears to my eyes, standing on my driveway, hearing sirens knowing they were coming to my house. Knowing they were coming because of my 3 year old diabetic daughter. It was a weird moment for me. Hearing sirens on a daily basses and not giving it much thought, but that moment.. those sirens were for us, and that was a weird feeling. I"m not sure I can describe it.

Once the paramedics arrived, things were okay, they made me feel better, they were great with Presley and helped make sure her blood sugar went up. They explained what would probably happen threw the night and what to NOT do in reaction to it. They were great (and good looking, but that's a given with Firemen and Paramedics right?) when it was all said and done at 10:30 our house grew quiet again, Tyler put Presley in our bed and the rest of the night went on without a hitch. It was my first time calling 911 because of diabetes and hopefully my last.

JDRF Video 2009

2009-03-20T19:42:00.000-07:00

Here is Presley's 2009 JDRF video

I hope you enjoy the small glimps into our lives. I hope that it teaches you a little about the life of my daughter who lives with Diabetes and the hard work that her family puts into trying to keep her healthy and happy.

Science Museum

2009-02-17T07:19:00.000-08:00

My mom took the girls and myself to the Science museum for Presidents day. We kinda had our suspicions that it might be busy, but WHOW! was it ever busy. We waited in the cold, WET outside for probably a good 30 min till we even got into the building where we could buy our tickets. I started to get cranky, but i didn't let it ruin the fun I just knew we were going to have. Once inside my mom bought a pass, because after once more visit it would have paid for itself. I'm really glad that she did buy the pass because it was BUSY! So busy I didn't find it THAT much fun. all the exhibits or hands on stuff were over run by older kids, they kinda pushed the little one's around and wouldn't let them participate. So I'll be excited to go back during the week while all those older kids are in school.

waiting in the rain. Grace loved the wicked umbrella!So cute!

She liked the rain.

mom and I!

she liked playing in the kid zone, for children 5 and under.

Space exhibit

Of course a picture with a Dinosaur

What a cutie! She was building with blocks

We stayed for about an hour or an hour and a half. Then we had to leave to feed Presley, and myself, and mom.. we were all hungry. Grace wasn't happy about leaving but left after she got a souvenir (all kids have their price doesn't they?)

This was my first trip to Balboa Park, and WOW was it nice. during the spring or summer it would be fun to go spend the day there, pack a lunch, walk around, visit some museums, spend a nice family day in the park. I really enjoyed it, and if it wasn't so wet and cold, it would have been BEAUTIFUL. The buildings, the fountains, the landscaping... I look forward to my next trip.

Projects Galor!!

2009-02-16T17:07:00.000-08:00

Project 1. Picture Wall

I for one LOVE pictures, my husband on the other hand... not so much. He views them as clutter. In fact, I doesn't see the point in having pictures up of the kids, or us because.... he sees them everyday. He doesn't see the point of having pictures of distant family on the wall because, if they were closer we would see them more often which means we wouldn't need pictures of them on the wall. He just hates all the "junk" I put on the wall. So i made a deal with him. Eventually he will build me laundry room on the side of the house, which will house my washer/dryer AND craft room. So I'll have my VERY own scrapbooking area. This is to exciting.. i can't describe it. But once the Craft/Landry room is finished, the office will no longer be the WICKED office, it will be the pin up office. Tyler HATES the wicked room (how? i have no idea) and we have a lot of pin up art, posters and I think they would look great being in their own room like an office. Then in order to cut down on the "clutter" in the rest of the house I would remove ALL pictures from the wall, and only use ONE wall for all photos. But I want them to go from Ceiling to floor. I want the frames TOUCHING, I want to see NO wall. I started this tedious task a few weeks ago and BOY is it going to be harder than I thought. I don't have enough pictures to totally fill the wall up yet, but that will come with time. But I cant tell you how difficult it is to get them all flowing, and all the frames touching. Here are pictures of what I have so far. I am going to be painting this wall so It will become closer together and less slanty in the future.

It's a start, and eventually the TV will move, as well as the children's desk.

I want all those gaps to close up.Project 2. Picture boxes
I got this idea from my bestie who got it from......?? Now I don't have the same type of box that the original idea came from. I was having a hard time finding that box so I improvised.
For Presley's birthday she got some Wooden paper dolls, and for Christmas the girls got some wooden paper dolls (the kind that you dress up) So i decided to use those boxes instead. I took down some of the unwanted frames and put the pictures in these instead.They aren't completed yet, but they are on their way. Things will change, I'll add some embellishments and hopefully fancy it up a bit. I'm excited for them to be completed!

Project 3. Paint, Paint, and MORE paint.
I LOVE color!! When we first moved in I painted just about every room with some sort of color, and now that I've lived here for a while, I have grown to hate some of the color I chose, and feel the need to put color on walls that I other wise just painted white.
The living room is a mesh of colors, and I am going to be toning it down a bit. I'm going to change my blue walls to green, and my striped wall that at first i would NEVER admit to hating will also go green with a different striping effect. the girls room is SO boring, and I think it's really starting to bother Grace, so I have a BIG project to happen in there. Mine and Tyler's room is also boring and must be jazzed up abit. I'm thinking yellow. If you ever watch Private Practise you may have seen inside of Addison's bedroom. It's two different shades of yellow in a striped pattern. It's BEAUTIFUL. All accessories are cream and it's so stunning.

Project 4. Scrapbook for dad.
I have a bunch of pictures from my childhood that i'm goig to put into an album for my dad. I ment to have this done by christmas but... it didn't happen. I'm going away this weekend for a scrapbooking girls weekend and i'm PRAYING that I get it done. but who knows.. no kids, no hubby, just gals and food? I may drink and relax to much that I get hardly anything done.

Project 5. Surprise for Bestie
I have something I NEED to get done before I see my best friend this weekend. I can't discuse it because she reads this.. but it's another project i MUST MUST get finished soon!

Valentines Fashion Show

2009-02-15T08:52:00.001-08:00

For Valentines day my mom got the girls some REALLY cute outfits. Once i got home from work, we decided to have a fashion show.

Presley in her first outfit, i LOVE the shirt, it has a heart on it, but it's like a skeleton with a bow. Grace in her new Dress, i LOVE IT! The ties are three ribbons and it's SO beautiful! Such a girly dress. Perfect for Grace

ha ha!

Then I would wear this dress. SO CUTE!

Grace in her pant outfit that matches Presley's. So adorable. she didn't want to say Cheese she wanted to say UNICORN! Look how little she is

That's the unicorn her dad and I got them for Valentines day

The final look. I told them to be Crazy and they did. I love them!

Presley Trying to pick up Grace (I say try.. but she did)

See.. this is right as she was putting her down. wow she's strong!

Heart Party

2009-02-15T08:40:00.000-08:00

Grace ready for her Heart party (She picked out her outfit, which normally i could care less BUT she didn't wear the shirt I bought her, that bugged)
Yesterday was the Heart Party thrown by the Cardiology department at Children's Hospital for all the patient and families of Cardiology. I couldn't go because of work, but the girls went with my mom, sister, Aunt, Uncle and little nephew. They had a BLAST! They were so excited when I got home from work to show me all the stuff they won and made. I know Grace had fun, she told me she did the heart walk, and when I said "oh you did..." she said "yea.. I did the heart walk" i looked at my mom and she said "it was like a cake walk...." so cute. I also noticed in the pictures that grace had a special name tag with hearts on it while everybody else had a tag that said Guest. It made me happy, because I wanted Grace to feel like this was HER special day. and I think she did. I hope she did.

YEA SUGAR!

They had Games.

Presley was excited that she wona bear while going fishing

COUSINS!!

What do these two ears have in common???

2009-02-15T08:36:00.000-08:00

Left Ear
They are BOTH Presley's ears. Now I've never noticed the differences between her ears before Thursday when my sister pointed it out. But it's true, Presley's left ear is slightly more pointed than her Right, and her Right ear has definition that the left doesn't. When I say Definition, I mean ear definition. Check them out! I think it's so cute!

Right Ear

The Balancing act is prooving harder than I thought.

2009-02-14T07:14:00.000-08:00

I have so many things on my mind lately, so many things keeping me up at night, so many that i jump from worry to worry. They keep me up feeling helpless, depressed and just overwhelmed with not knowing how to deal with them. How to make them right. Then i worry about my own health, I think about women who get under so much stress that they develop health problems all because of stress. I think about the weight I need to loose and wonder when i have time? Between work, taking the girls to their activities, taking care of their needs, my husbands needs, and the house.. their never seems to be enough time for me. I worry about my health, I worry about the girls health, I'm in a constant battle with diabetes. I'm in a battle with how to balance the care Presley needs to the attention grace seems to be craving. I feel like I'm suffocating because i have so many things on my plate, so many that none of them are getting the proper attention. I feel like I'm failing Presley, her numbers have been AWFUL! Her meter keeps an ongoing average of her numbers and right now it's reading 215, that's awful. I'm tired, I don't want to check her blood in the middle of the night, I feel guilty for feeling that way. I feel like Grace is angry with me, her sister because of all the attention Presley gets. I don't know how to balance the two out. I want Grace to know how loved she is, how much I adore her but I feel like she does get lost in the shuffle sometimes, I know she sacrifices because of Presley, and i KNOW that isn't fair, but I also don't think it's fair that my 3 year old has been dealing with diabetes since she was 18 months old. I'm so sad, I'm so angry that this is my reality and I can't get a grip on it. I wish I was one of those really strong people you see on TV, one of those people that look at a challenge right in the face and say "you wont beat me" but I'm feeling completely beaten right now. I'm tired of my job, the lack of clientele that comes threw the door, it makes the time I spend away from the girls not worth it, it make loosing that control of Presley diabetes for those 4 hours not worth it. I'm tired for not making good tips, I'm tired of color. I think maybe some people are made to color people's hair, then there are people like me, who LOVE cutting hair. I don't have a passion for color, it makes me nervous, sweat, and feel all flustered. I DON'T LIKE IT. So why am I working in a salon that does it? I'm at a cross roads, do I leave the salon, with stylist i ADORE! owners that are wonderful to go some place else that may or may not be better? I know I'm not loving color, I know that the clientele isn't strong enough to support the tips I'm use to, but the unknown, especially in this economy is scary to say the least.

I try to remain thankful, thankful for my home, my family, my job, my husbands job. Because really we have a lot to be thankful for. It's just when I look deeper into it, when I look deeper into my children's eyes, I wonder how I'm doing. I wonder if it's enough, I don't feel like it is. I feel like grace is on the verge of loosing it and I feel like I'm going to loose it with her. I don't know how to make her KNOW how loved she is and how important she is to while doing what needs to be done for Presley. I suppose I don't know how to do it because I thought I was, and I'm not. Grace is having issues right now, that threw the conversations of many we think may be stemming from jealousy over attention that her sister receives. It's a balancing act of so much. So much that sometimes I don't feel like i know how or even if I can.

Valentines

2009-02-13T08:05:00.000-08:00

This was Grace's FIRST year in school during valentines day. So she was REALLY excited to make Valentines for her friends and because I live for this stuff so i was happy oblige. I wanted to make them Crayon hearts, X's and O's but that ended up being a disaster of procrastination. I waited far to long to get my supplies so I couldn't find them. I really wanted the x's and o's but those were NO were to be found. I looked at Michales, and Target, the Dollar store, Wal- Mart and the proper supply was no were to be found. I did find a heart shaped baking pan at Target but I knew the same baking pan was cheaper at wal-mart, SO I walked away from the one at Target. The really REALLY lame thing is, I would only be saving 1.00 that's right.. from 9.99 to 8.99, TOTALLY lame! But i did, and much to my surprise and disgust wal mart was plum out of heart shaped baking pans. CURSES!!! At that point I was OVER IT,. and grabbed some little cups to just put crayons in. Good enough.

Grace was happy, she singed each Valentine, and put crayons in each cup, along with princess Tattoo's (I'm sure the boys will LOVE that) and heart stickers and a pencil. The turned out cute, not NEARLY as cute as the other idea, BUT maybe next year.

Grace, concentrating on her name

Presley made 3 Valentines of her own

Grace's signature.. so cute!

Dropping of the Crayons
so cute!
Finished.. walah!
She was so proud of her Valentines!
Presley all done with the valentines for her friends.
I love her!

Then the project for Ms.Martha!!

I got this Idea from my Bestie, and I kinda changed it up a bit.
Grace was so excited to give Ms.Martha her M&M Marshmallow Valentine!

She is so happy!

That's suppose to say Ms.Martha

And the award goes too.......

2009-02-11T14:30:00.000-08:00

First of all I would like to thank Denise, for this wonderful award.. I would also like to thank my family, for putting up with the time I spend blogging, to my loyal readers... I thank you!!... okay okay, enough hokie business, but really I was so surprised when I saw the Denise gave me this award, how very nice to know that somebody actually reads my blog, besides my best friend, and that somebody appreciates it! Thank you! Now... because I was given the award the rules are as follows.. i MUST give the award to 10 other people.. and those lucky 10 are....

Katie at Cheezimommie
Colleen at See Sherm Blog
Stephenie over at Stephenie's blog
Matt, Liz and Madeline found here
Six until me found here
Cheryl at The Foster Family
Nick over at Diabetes 360
Amy who just so happens to be Nicks wife.. (can I do that?? YES I CAN!) at Too Sweet
Heather over at Try jay walking

okay well, that's all folks! I can't think of a 10th.

Field Trip

2009-02-11T07:33:00.000-08:00

Last Friday Grace's class took a trip on the Sprinter. The Sprinter is a train that was put in that goes West to East. So we took the train west and headed to the beach. The idea was to go to the beach, go to the Surf Museum then head to Dairy Queen. The weather was questionable. It was cloudy and rainy where were met for the train, but farther west, closer to the ocean looked like it had bluer skies than we had, so i was crossing my fingers that there wouldn't be a down pour. I had the option of just dropping Grace off at the train station then leaving, BUT knowing ME, and how over protective I am and how paranoid I am... that wasn't going to happen, so Presley and I tagged a long for the ride. ( we tried to stay out of Grace's hair, we didn't sit with her, or walk with her once we were at the beach.. we just kept a watchful eye)

The train was fun, My friend Laura, her daughter Lila, Presley and I sat in a different car than the pre school kids. Once there we all shuffled off the train and started the walk to the Surf Museum. The weather was cold and a little windy, but it was also sunny. I was afraid we would have beautiful weather on the way TO the museum but once we left it would be a complete down pour. Once at the museum Presley said "I go potty" Great I thought. I asked one of the workers if the had a bathroom she could use. They did.. and it was the MOST disgusting bathroom I've ever been in. So nasty. I mean really... a truck stop probably would have been less nasty. After our bathroom experience we ended up heading to DQ for ice cream. Nothing better than Ice Cream in cold stormy weather. But the kids enjoyed it. Here are some pictures of our mini field trip.

Some of the kids
Grace's friend Joey. They are SO cute, always together and holding hands

See...

The Sprinter

Lila and Laura

Presley and I

The group

at the surf museum

DQ baby!

Yummy

she even got a little tiny one

Grace and her teacher. This was my THIRD attempt at taking the picture. Grace can be impossible

She was a happy kid