Unexplainable..

Now I'm not sure what to make of the recent events happening in our new house, or if any of you readers believe in the paranormal. BUT I'll tell you one thing, something freaky is going on! Everything I'm about share hasn't really REALLY bothered me till yesterday, things have made me say "hmmm" but I can find an excuse and i can dismiss, but yesterday I got really kinda freaked out.

I've mentioned before about a show I watch or use to watch called The Haunting, it's on the discovery channel around 2 in the afternoon. It always scares me and in fact scares me so much I don't watch it anymore. THE BLOG.

I do believe in the paranormal, I do believe in pure evil, I believe that things not of this world can torture people here on earth. When it comes to evil I've heard "you can't believe in one and not the other" So i agree. But a while after we moved in the house I noticed things such as the girls bedroom door. Now I know the foundation is cracked so their door creeks shut on its own, not creepy to me at all. BUT what is creepy to me is that on more than one occasion the door has slammed shut while the girls were taking a nap. Now I know I know, the wind, the air flow from their window from the open front door could cause that.. which I totally agree with. BUT once it slams it shouldn't happen again right? It's closed.. in fact it's SLAMMED closed. BUT here's the weird thing, it WILL happen again. Is that strange? It always makes me jump but I think nothing of it. But really, once it's slammed.. it should be able to re-slam shut all over again.

On more than one occasion the girls will just scream in their sleep, only once has Presley cried and cried in her room (and she was alone, Grace came to our bed that night.. she said the light going on and off kept her awake...??) When I went to get her she just grabbed onto me and didn't want to go in her room for some time after that. I did ask her after that to go into her room for something and she said "no.. i scared of room"But grace has had a LOT of night terrors, screaming, talking in her sleep and when ever I go in their to rub her head and i whisper in her ear she's okay, that mommy is there. When she does open her eyes I ask her what she was crying for and she says "I don't' know mommy" I ask if she had a nightmare and she says "I don't know mommy" Now normally if grace cries in her sleep she can tell me what she dreamed about like a spider getting her blankie (she's had that dream more than once) but recently she doesn't know why she cries or if she's having a bad dream.

Now yesterday she was sleeping in her room alone, and she started yelling and crying, i went into her room and hit her with the door. She was laying in front of it. So she said "MY LEG!!" i picked her up and told her I was sorry. Once we got out to the living room I was holding her and apologizing for hitting her leg, she kept saying "my leg hurts" to which i would respond "I know mommy hit you with the door" Then Presley walked up and said "what happened?" and pointed to her leg.. well I was SHOCKED when I saw a hand print, it pretty much fit graces hand size BUT it was so indented into her skin that you could rub it and feel grooves.. isn't that weird? I'm not sure what to make of everything BUT I'm diffidently taking note. I don't want to over react but I don't want to ignore anything either, i want to be aware! spoooky!!

The hand print on her leg, and I'm TELLING you it was INDENTED on her leg, you could feel each groove.

Attitude is EVERYTHING!

Attitude can take you a long way in this world. If you have a GO FOR THE GUSTO kind of attitude or a I CAN CONQUER ANYTHING attitude, i think you set yourself up for a lot more. I think when you think positively, positive things can happen. On the other hand if you have a hoo hum, poor me.. nothing ever works in my favor, i can't do this because it's to hard or to out of my reach kind of attitude then that kind of energy is all around you. which from the get go sets you back.

I despise when people have the negative attitude, even if it's not intentional but their body language or the tone in their voice speaks otherwise it can send a pretty LOUD message to those receiving it. I know somebody who has the tone.. and that body language, whom seems to always want things done for them. Somebody whom almost expects things to be done for them. Whom seems (at least to some of the people around them) to think that they are entitled to stuff just because of who they are.

I wish i could understand better how people like that think. Because I just DON'T GET IT! I'm a go for the gusto kinda gal, and I TRY to think positive most of the time, and I have a lot of ambition to do stuff with my life. I couldn't imagine and I don't understand how somebody doesn't have that.. is that depression? Is that what Depression is? a lack of worth, ambition and wants for your own life? I dunno, but I do know that when you love somebody who seems to just not care or at least their lack of action makes you think they don't care it's really heart braking and extremely frustrating! I wish i could just smack them and tell them "your so much better than what your doing with yourself!! wake up! do something!! makes YOURSELF proud!!" But i can only hope in time attitudes will change and lifestyles will change for the better. Because they are OH SO worth it!

July 25th 2007

The morning started as every morning before had. Waking up and being groggy not quite ready for the day ahead but knowing that it must start because of the baby yelling from her crib "mommy!!" and the toddler staring into her face with big brown beautiful eyes. She arose and walked to get the baby out of her crib and went to the kitchen to make a light breakfast for the girls. The oldest girl never stopped talking as always and the baby was cranky, as she had been for the past several days. Mom knew there could be no dilly dallying today because today unlike every other morning she had an appointment with her daughters pediatrician, an appointment she felt slightly silly for but, none the less was going to go to for her own peace of mind. She thought about the test they were going to run on her youngest daughter and the likely hood of it being positive.. she fought back and forth in her head about how silly she was being, but not really caring all at the same time. She knew the baby couldn't eat anything heavy like pancakes but an egg and toast was fine, according to the nurse. "Just be sure she doesn't eat anything 2 hours before the test" the nurse said. So it was early 6ish and the appointment was at 9 so we're in the clear.

While the girls ate their breakfast mom got ready, washed her face, brushed her hair, put on some make up and packed the diaper bag for the trip to the pediatricians office. Once the girls were done eating she got them ready, teeth... check! hair... Check! clothes... check! Once everybody was ready to go mom packed the bags in the car then the kids. Her family knew of the test going on today and a few people called to say "call when your done" to which she replied "will do!" Still optimistic that things were going to be fine and convinced that she was just being paranoid she got in her car and drove to the DR office.

Once they arrived they checked in "I'm here for my daughter.. she's having a test done today for diabetes.." the receptionist checked her daughter in and asked them to take a seat and assured them that they will be called back shortly. She held her baby on her lap, with her little head laying on her chest, you could see by looking at her that the baby didn't feel well. She was thirsty and had been an extra special kind of cranky. Julia the nurse came to the door and called her daughters name, mom stands up with the baby, grabs the diaper bag and says to her oldest daughter.."common... sisters turn" She smiles at Julia and they talk back and forth about the test, how mom feels silly and Julia reassures her it's better to be safe than sorry. Once in the back room they wanted to weigh the baby.They ask her to step on the scale.. 27 pounds.. "huh, she's lost 5 pounds" weird mom thought. Must be because she doesn't feel well. Once they get back into the room the Dr walks in "hello mom! so we're testing for diabetes today!" mom smiles and says "yea.. it seems kind of silly but?? ya know" while mom and Dr talked Julia the nurse is getting the meter ready to prick the tiny finger of her baby girl and test her blood sugar. The Dr, while this is going on says "No, it's okay mom.. we have a lot of people that want their kids tested for diabetes but it never comes back positive.. I'm sure she's fine" Just then Julia looks up and says "Dr.." she shows him the meter to which he looks puzzled and shocked... "we'll be right back" as they both leave the room mom hears "Lets get a new meter, and make sure it has new batteries, lets get a urine sample to be sure" Julia walks in the room to a mother who is now slightly alarmed and now has a sick feeling in her stomach. Julia looks concerned as she attaches a baggy to the baby so she can get a urine sample, once the bag is on, Julia pricks her finger and checks her blood sugars again. Another high reading, Julia looks at mom with a sadness in her eyes and walks out. When she returns she walks in with the Dr.. "I'm sorry to say it looks like the test came back positive, we're going to wait for the urine sample but we'll be calling Children's Hospital to see when they want you down there.. it's going to be okay" They both exit the room. The baby pees rather quickly as she has been doing for the past several days. Julia takes the urine and confirms the child does in deed have diabetes. She looks at the mom and says "it's positive, she has diabetes" The mother was in such a state of shock she started to cry as she looked at her beautiful girl with blond curly hair, her little eyes looking back at her with such a look of sick. She held her as tight as she could with tears streaming down her face. She looked up at Julia who also had tears in her eyes... mom says "does this mean shots?" Julia with sadness in her voice "yes it does... we're calling Children's Hospital right now to see when they want her down there....they will be able to answer all your questions. I'm so sorry, you just got life changing news for her and yourself.. I'm so sorry" With tears in Julia's eyes she walks out of the room to see what the hospital had said.

Mom gets on the phone and calls her husband who of course isn't answering his phone. She forgot that her husband had safety meetings and would be out of range for a bit. She calls her mother who is on her way home from Michigan and is in the middle of Utah some where.. the phone rings and her Aunt picks up "hello!" she tries to speak threw the cracking of her voice and tears in her eyes "it's positive.. she has diabetes"... her aunt replies in almost disbelief "what?!" she responds.. "it's true.. the test came back positive.. is my mom there?" ..."she's driving I'll have her call you right back... okay.. I love you" her aunt replies. She hangs up the phone and is told by the Nurse that children's wants her in the ER asap. She calls her husband again with no luck, she finally tries to contact the store directly where he is giving a safety meeting and does indeed get a hold of him. Again with tears and cracking in her voice she says "it came back positive.. she's diabetic, they want me to take her to the hospital right now" Her husband who is her rock sounded shocked, and totally confused.. "let me finish this meeting and I'll meet you at the hospital.. okay?" she agrees. She makes a few more phone calls to family and asks the nurse if she can go home first, pack some bags and wait for her husband "I'm afraid not.. they want her with in the hour" She nods and agrees. Before she leaves Julia gives her a hug and tells her it will be okay, that if she needs anything to just call.

Mom and the two girls head down stairs. Mom calls her sister to tell her the news and asks if she could come pick up her oldest daughter so she can take the baby to the hospital alone. While waiting for her sister to show up, she goes next door to see her mother in law. When she walks in she looks in her Mother In Laws eyes "it's positive, she's diabetic.. i have to go the hospital right now, they want her with in the hour" her Mother in law cries a bit and says to call as soon as they know something. Mom looks at her and asks if she would go with her, "i don't want to go alone".. "of course I'll go... why i didn't even just say.. I'M COMING, but rather.. call when you know..of course I'll go.. of course" She gets her bag and they go outside and wait for her sister to arrive.

Shortly after that, Auntie pulled up and transfered car seats. All the while the baby is sick, her head is down she isn't playful or happy, not her typical self. Mom gives her big girl a big kiss and says "I'll see you soon okay.. be good for Auntie" Once her oldest was off, she put the baby in her seat and got in the car and headed to the hospital. there were a lot of tears, a lot of confusion, she went over the appointment with her Mother in law, they talked about it, they cried over it.

Once in the hospital they were taken back almost immediately and started to answer a list of questions..
"Is there history of Diabetes?"

"No"

"Is there a history of Thyroid problems?"

"yes"

"Is her breath sweet?"

"No"

the questions went on and on. The nurse who was asking the questions leaned into the baby and said "her breath is VERY sweet" mom looked shocked "really, that's how it's always smelt to me?" After a lot more questions and some heart breaking moments of them attaching her to IV's and drawing blood, quiet set in.

People stopped by and asked many questions... the same questions really.. over and over. Finally dad showed up and so did Auntie when she got relief. They all sat and would listen to Doctors, and nurses as they would explain what would happen over the next several days. They learned that the next several days would be spent in the hospital, learning how to care for their now diabetic child and learning what that meant, learning how to check blood sugar, how to give shots, and the million of other things that comes with having a child with a disease that is ....if not treated properly very fatal. It was all so over whelming for mom, that once it got late and everybody went home to rest, she tucked in her girl, gave her a kiss on her head and laid down on a bed made from a recliner in the room, resting her eyes, as much as she could till the next blood sugar check.

It was a surreal day a day that no parent should have to live, a day that will never be forgotten by me, because it was me. It was my day, and Presley's day. the day that her life changed forever, the day that my life as her mother changed forever. A day that will always be there a day that will never be forgotten.. July 25 2007, a year ago today this is how my day started and ended. I pray for all the other families who have had days that started and ended like this, and for the ones who will. I pray for a cure, so my daughter will learn what it is like to not live with this disease, being so young with such a heavy burden of a life, with so much to worry and manage. It's not fair, it was an unfair day in her life, But one that we will not allow to hold us down or hold her back. She will thrive in despite of this day and what it brought to her tiny life. She is strong and amazing, and I am a stronger mother because of her!

411

Wowza! It's been oh so long since I've written i have a lot to catch up on. So instead of having a million posts all posted in one day I decided to do one looong one. ENJOY!

I can't believe how busy life has been, it seems like I never have time to sit and write. I have a million things I want to write about on a daily basses but life always seems to take hold and take over. Then when I finally do find a minute to sit and write to you all (well, ya know... the few of you) I completely draw a blank. So I'll be sharing probably some pretty random thoughts as they come to me and sharing pictures of things that my little family has been up too.

This is Grace ready to go out on the town, I don't remember where we were going but I do remember loving her outfit, my favorite is the socks. I love how she took the little balls that belong at the heal and put them perfectly center on her leg. Shes SO cute! and as silly as it may look, it DOES match

Then of course Presley said "I Cheese" So here she is, my perfect little angle.

This is at my 10 pm blood sugar check (below), I thought it was picture worthy, my..my..how kids can fall asleep. I know my legs would go to sleep and feel so numb i would probably have a hard time pulling myself back up on the bed. Speaking of blood sugar checks... Diabetes has been giving me a run for my money. And if i must admit it, i haven't been the greatest diabetes mom lately. In fact my husband and I BOTH have made mistakes in the last week. On Sunday Tyler only gave her half of the insulin she needed so she ran high all day because she didn't have any of her NPH on board. Then yesterday I FORGOT to give her, her shot. I had all the dosing figured out but i guess it completely slipped my mind. So I'm not really sure how to handle that. Well, I am pretty sure, but even so I didn't handle it how I thought I probably should have, it kind of shook me a bit with guilt and disgust, that I could forget something so very important That it threw me off my rocker. SO we dealt with highs again yesterday. Poor kid... suffering because her parents seem to be incompetent. Makes me wonder sometimes if I'm capable of taking care of her to the extent she needs, and well, of course I have to. But it just makes me feel so.... inadequate. Moving on.... Enjoy the picture!

Sand dog!
Yes Cash LOVES the kids sand box, I think more than they do. He always ends puppy time with a good jump into the sand box. Just in case you aren't aware of Puppy time.. here is the definition of Puppy time.
Puppy Time : When a puppy of any breed has a burst of energy and runs around the house or yard in an uncontrollable fashion.

Yuck! I would think that a sand nose isn't very comfortable.

Stripped wall...
Anybody that knows me knows that I have a thing for strips right now. But this wall was by far my most ambitious yet! It was NOT EASY believe you me. I realize that this doesn't appeal to a lot of people, but it has MAJOR appeal to me.. and well.. that's all that matters. I don't event Think Tyler likes it all that much. He thinks it looks like a TIE. and I disagree I think it looks like a present!

Happy 4th
Our 4th of July was pretty typical and well, not that exciting. But I had a good time anyhow. It was our first family gathering at our house. So that made it fun! Tyler's parents, Aunt Vera and Uncle Doug came, as well as my mom and my sister.

For the girls it started in this little sprinkler thing I found at Wal-Mart.. it was crap, as is MOST stuff from Wal-Mart... I SHOULD have gone to my favorite store Target because they had a TON of fun outside water stuff!

I Did get these at Wal-Mart and well, i'm quite fond of these wal mart bargains

My Mother in law and Uncle Doug. I LOVE this picture of my MIL, she seems so playful and well, she never seems that way.

Tyler and his pops! They are so cute, when ever they are around each other, they can pretty much walk away from the group and just talk to each other the ENTIRE time, and trust me.. they do! It's sweet I think, it always puts a smile on my face when I see them together.

Presley learned how to put Ice down peoples shirts this day. She thought it was fun till an Ice Cube was put in her bathing suit and got stuck in a rather precarious place.

The host and Hostess

What a GREAT picture! and well of course Grace is wearing something odd ball.

My friend Michelle came over for a bit.

My word!

I love this picture.It's not very often that I have a picture of Tyler with his girls. he's such an AMAZING person and an even better Husband and Father I love seeing the girls with him. I love this so much I think I want professional pictures of him and the girls.

Presley looks like she's laughing I think. but she's not.. she' crying.

That night Grace said "Oh I can't wait to see fireworks! are we going to see fireworks? They are my favorite thing!!" well, i felt awful because I didn't plan on going anywhere.. so I said "well, hopefully we'll see some from the house.." But in my head I'm thinking.. Geesh, way to go mom! Dang i felt bad! But this picture below is her laying in the driveway watching and waiting. Luck for me right at the end of our street was the PERFECT view for the Vista fireworks! phewph!

silly faced baby!

we've gone to a friends house and gone swimming.

Cardiology and Sea world..
Last week Grace had a Cardiology appointment. She was way past due for a checkup, and we needed to meet her new Dr. I was really unhappy going into the appointment thinking.. "I'm not going to like the new guy.. the old guy has had Grace since she was a newborn." so i suppose it was more of a comfort thing for me. BUT I was REALLY pleasantly surprised! He was GREAT! I like his angle on how he's going to handle her. he's actually going to run an Echo Cardiogram (an ultrasound of the heart) to check on the structure. THEN i think he's going to start taking her off her meds slowly to see how she does. Like he said it's a rhythm issue. But if her heart can learn to work with the extra electrical thingy it has and still keep her rhythm in a normal range, then there would really be no reason for surgery if the Rhythm stays low even with the extra electrical thingy.. so I kinda like his thought process. If it works.. leave it.. if it doesn't put her back on the meds for another year then go in and fix the problem! I'm okay with this mind set. It will be interesting!

Once we got to sea world we ate lunch first. We always eat at the same place because my mom can get free beer samples. and well. if you knew my mom you would know she LOVES her beer! So this is the girls and my mom looking at the Budweiser Donkey.

Grace and mommy.

I like the reflection here.

My mom's shoulders were going numb here.

Mommy Penny and Gracie Pete

Presley Penny and Mommy Pete

I didn't know they had PENGUINS! Presley thought it was scary because it was dark. But I thought it was neat. Although after seeing Happy Feet i can never look at a penguine behind glass in the same fashion.

The girls!

We went to the new Sesame Street area. they have water play and rides now! Fun for the kids.

HAHA!

This ride made me sick to even look at.. bleck! It's like the Tea cups at Disneyland.

And the last bit of fun for the Day was the Shamu Show

COOL!

That is a GIANT ANIMALE!!

Garage sale divas...

I had my garage sale for JDRF a few weekends ago. It went pretty well. we made over 400.00 so not bad for something that was so easy. We're having another one this weekend at my mom's house. So we'll see how that goes. unfortunatly the clientel I had didn't understand that it was for cherity and never took the time to read the sign that explained the charity. BUT even so, we did well and the girls had a good time playing in all the stuff.. (gross... yes.. but as a mother sometimes you try to turn a blind eye to somethings and realize they are kids and it's okay to touch gross stuff hahaha and some gross stuff is better than other gross stuff)

Presley posing on a mattress for sale.

Grace in outfit number ONE

Number TWO

Palooza of junk!

Presley showing off some shoes she found

Number THREE

aaahhh the Ruby Slippers, these shoes caused MANY fights between the girls

I LOVE THIS PICTURE!

Number FOUR

BAKERSFIELD, BABIES, BIRTHDAYS, & more BABIES

Thats right! I headed to bakersfield for my Besties kids birthday party last weekend. while in town I was able to see my firend Holly and her baby Berklee,. and my friend Kristen and her baby doc.

That's me on my way to Bakersfield! It's a long drive I'll tell ya, when you have two kids and one of them being a diabetic. It does complicate things. I can't just feed her and not stop the car, i HAVE to check her blood sugar which means you have to stop. So we stopped at a Burger King where we went potty, checked blood, gave a shot, then got in the car where i served them their pre packed lunch! After they were done eating I happened to look back at Grace, and she had her shoe up to her mouth.. then what she did made me want to throw up! She LICKED the bottom of her shoe! So here's kind of how that all went....
Mom "GRACE!!! WHAT DID YOU DO?!?!? THAT IS SO DISCUTING"
Grace "Huh?" (look of total confusion but with a slight smerk)
Mom"You just went into a PUBLIC Bathroom!!! you could have Stepped in PEE PEE!! So do you know what that means??"
Grace "what....." (looking slightyl concerned)
Mom" That means you could have just licked PEE OFF YOUR SHOE!!"
Grace (a look of complete concern and now discust)
Mom"Would you lick a bathroom floor?"
Grace "no"
Mom "NEVER do that again.."
Grace "Otay mommy I wont.. that's gross"

BABIES!!
AT LAST!!! I get to hold BERKLEE!!! Awww I love her!

What a doll baby!

I really DO LOVE this child!

"Look but don't touch!"

Birthdays at chuck E Cheese!
The birthday kids!

I can't believe she's SIX!

My BESTIE!! I lOVE HER!

Mommy and Grace

There were fun rides and EVERYTHING was only ONE token!

Driving a car! she had so much fun!! She wasn't very good at it, the screen of the game said "revers" haha

he is really handsome

What a cutie!! again.. WOW she's SIX!

The cool cupcakes are only complimented by my rad photo! haha

Katie had the cupcakes made, but she made the little Camp Rock and Trasformer decoration. she's so crafty! (just not as crafty as the mom next to us haha)

Presley wasn't a fan of the big Cheese himself!

Merry Go Round

Lacie hanging on for dear life! (yea right!)

That's right I got her, her FAVORITE Camp Rock girl!

and I bought my girls (or myself) one of these too!

Flying high on a bicycle in the sky!

okay, so I'm mean, instead of rescuing her as soon as she gets scared I take a many pictures as possible.. BUT..

It's KINDA funny. And I did rescue her after this picture.

This is more her speed

and this is her speed too.

This was kind of a disaster. they kept throwing the balls instead of rolling them.

air hockey!!

Me and a baby named Preslee.. thats right she stole my name =) The mommy says she didn't know my daughters name was Presley, and regardless it's a Beautiful name so it's a good fit, and DANG was she a good baby! I could have held her all night, BUT my Presley was to young to be out in the play area on her own.

So I wasn't really that excited to be there, BUT I was trying to get my girls to say cheese! and as you can see, it didn't work, I only managed to make myself look like a fool.

The next day we hung around the house and the kids played on the slip n slide!

well, Colby mainly ran threw it

and more BABIES!
Later that Night I had to go see my friend Kristen, because she lives so far from my bestie and it was getting late I decided to spend the night with her and her family. It was good that I did too, both my girls passed out and we were able to hang out outside for some grown up time. always a nice thing.

Here's me and Doc looking very intently at something.

again, i look like a fool. I think i look high hahah!

I can NOT belive how much i look like my mom here CRAZY!

Kristen and I with the kiddos! it's REALLY hard to get three kids to look at the camera at the same time.

I love this girl too, we have had some WILD AND CRAZY times together!

After a long drive home and a long weekend of fun. Presley was out for the count early that night.

Sea World take TWO
The Monday after we got back from Bakersfield we went to Sea World with my cousin her son and my aunt diane. It was SO nice seeing Tracy and Liam, I havn't seen them in a while and well, as you can see from below, the kids missed each other TREMENDOSLY!

Aunt Tracy and Presley

What do you do when you have three kids and only two holes for faces? shove two faces in one hole of course!

Tracy and I, I'm glad we got to hang out. I kinda was starting to feel like we didn't talk that much, and that we were growing apart and it made me sad, so this was a nice day!

Bear BUM!

I love this of Liam (and TRACY I will be emailng soon!)

Flamingo walk

Going into the shark tunnel.

Feeding the seals.

This is kind of gross beacuse Presley is saying cheese but has food in her mouth AND she's feeding seals. I dunno why, but it kind of grosses me out to think of her eating while handling stinky raw fish for seals.. bleck!

I Look AWFUL in this picture BUT everybody else looks nice.

Lunch and free beer!

In the sesame stree bay of play area. This is for little kids they can run and jump and play with shapes, but Presley took a time out. haha

Those are Grace's legs

Elmo and Friends!!

If it wasn't for the show, I would never have gotten the three of them even remotly looking in the same direction at the same time

Bye Bye Elmo!!

and of course water fun.

what a sweet boy!

C is for cookie monster and S is for Scared!

Presley wouldn't go up by herself

H is for hug

and S is for smile

B is for Bravery (after cousin Liam)

and A is for apprehension

Liam saw bert and earnie but Presley wasn't that brave

and Grace got a NEW HAT!! and I know you all dont know, but her last sea world hat she wore EVERY DAY, AND EVERY NIGHT!

at the tide ponds, we fed bat rays.

Turtles!! this is what Grace wanted to see all day

At the turtles.

So there ya have it, pretty much what i've been up to. Just hanging with the family, going to sea world, trying to fund raise for the Diabetes Walk. I also spent a LOT of time on Presley's video, I changed it so i'll post the new one soon, I need to fix a few spelling errors. I still feel like there is a ton I can talk about, BUT this post has reached it's max! So Stay tuned! lots more to come!

First Try..

I've never made a movie before, so here's my first attempt! I hope you all enjoy!!

Accomplished!

As my prior post states I'm having a hard time with Presley's one year diagnoses coming up. SO today instead of being sad I got stuff done for my fundraising! First i went to Ralphs Grocery store to drop of a letter and tax form so i could get some paper bags donated for my Used Books Sale. THEN, I went to AppleBee's to confirm dates to do a fundraiser there. They are nice enough to donate 20% of every persons check that mentions or takes in a flier about JDRF. For TWO WHOLE DAYS!!! Isn't that GREAT?!?!?! I'm excited! SO there ya have it. I feel accomplished that I'm doing something to make my goal happen. AND another small but very happy victory for me today was getting the perfect BG number after nap, yup her BG was 100! that totally rocks! Her Target number ahhhh it's not easy, and it doesn't happen often BUT it's a glorious feeling when it does!

A count down to D Day emotions.

Presley's one year diagnoses date is slowly approaching. This has hit me with so many emotions I wasn't really expecting. I knew it was coming, and I knew I wanted to make that day extra special. Not so much for the diagnoses (obviously, who would celebrate that?) but rather the success we have had. For the baby steps we have taken to get to where we are now.

Before I realized what was bothering me, I was crying a lot, cranky, irritable, and down right mean to everybody around me. Then it finally hit me! "D DAY!" (as we call it) I can't believe it's almost here! A year has passed that we've been living with this little thing called Diabetes. I can't believe that our life's for the past year have been take up probably 85% of the time by diabetes. I can't believe that my daughter has had nearly 2190 blood sugar checks and 1095 shots!!! Do you know what that means?? My TWO year old has had over Two THOUSAND little sticks on her finger.. little pin holes. Little holes that made her bleed, that I DID! Huuuhhh it's unreal.

A lot of my struggles come from the unknown, this upcoming anniversary makes me think of the future.. what will the next year have in store for her ... then the year after that.. and that. I try not to think to hard about the future... it doesn't do me any good. It makes me sad, and it makes me feel helpless. I don't know what her health will be like, I don't know if she'll be happy and a conqueror of this disease!I don't know how to balance my emotions of feeling helpless and lost, to wanting her to feel like she can conquer anything. I pray she will be, I pray that she'll thrive and not let this disease stand in her way. Knowing I want all this for her, makes me worry that I'm not doing what I need to do, to assure that she will be all those things.. happy, healthy, in control, I know my actions now and in the future will have a direct effect on all those things later in her life. I don't know how to balance the over protectiveness i feel for her with out being suffocating and letting that encroach on her just being a kid. As normal as she can be. If I'm to over protective and it stops her from doing things, then I'm not teaching her she can do anything.. I'm limiting her from the beginning.

I worry about every stage of her life. Every stage will be a new experience and a new part of me letting go. which I do with Grace.. but it doesn't scare me as much. With Grace I have to worry about, will she make friends, will she be teased, get good grades, be happy, healthy, your normal kid stuff that we all worry about as parents. As a parent you never want your child to struggle, or feel left out. You never want them to cry because somebody was mean to them or because they feel different. Remember when you were young when being different was probably the worst thing that could have happened to you. Well, Presley is different. She has a disease that makes her different. So on top of all the normal worries I feel for Grace.. friends, grades, happiness, health, i worry about numbers, highs, lows, will she be taken care of properly while not in MY care? Will she suffer in academics because of diabetes.. i would imagine highs and lows would make concentrating difficult. I would imagine that if your in the middle of a test and her sugars became unbalanced her grade would be effected. Will she have teachers that will understand that? Oh so much I can get more gray hair over.. but I suppose i shouldn't. I suppose i should just try to focus on the here and now. I also realize me telling myself not to worry about all this is easier said than done. I do enjoy her, and i don't sit in my house rocking back and forth bitting my nails worrying about all this on a daily, minutely, or secondly bases. BUT it does come up and when it does it brings tears to my eyes.

I realize a lot of people don't understand where I'm coming from, I realize that even the closest of family members don't get it. So i don't expect anybody who isn't living it to understand how this disease has taken over our life's and how I can spend so much time worrying about what it could do to her future. But for the time being, I'll try to focus on the date at hand.. July 25h and hope that once it passes it will be easier than it has been lately, and I'll get out of my rut. I pray that every year isn't like this.